Breaking the silence: On Living Pro-Lifer's Choice for Women
I have to say, I am utterly shocked. And LIVID. What exactly are women supposed to do? We choose to go through with and give birth to an unplanned pregnancy? We are selfish, or stupid and deserve any hardship it causes unless we are white and financially well off. We choose to have an abortion? Then we are cold, heartless, baby-killing harpies. We choose to give the resulting baby up for adoption? Then we are selfish and/or heartless failures as women because we didn't want to follow our "maternal instincts" (puke) and become good little obedient child raisers, unless we are women of color, or poor, in which case, see point number one. We choose never to have children at all by being sterilized before its an issue? Then we are failures as women, except for WoC and poor women. Then we are just doing what we should to leave the population to the privileged.
I see no reason to play their fucking game. We will lose no matter what, purely by virtue of daring to exist while female and think that we are actually people with the right to live as we see fit.
Yeah, it's a no-win situation all right. I've had several young women (single and pregnant) ask my advice since they knew I had been through 3 of the 4 options a single woman has when she finds out she's unexpectedly pregnant. 1 - I was forced (by my mother) to give my daughter up for adoption when I was 18 (accidental pregnancy, first time sexual experience). 2 - I got pregnant with my son when I was 21 and on the pill (and kept him, raised him on my own, I was still single and didn't want to marry his father). 3 - I got pregnant twice (still single) when I had an IUD and had abortions. 4 - The only other option a single woman has is to have the baby and marry the father (or any man who will have her and her kid). That last option is the only one I haven't tried. I also fought, at the age of 25 (and still single, with a 3-year old child) to have my tubes tied since no form of birth control (short of total abstinence) seemed to work for me (fertile as a turtle, myrtle, that was me). I had to fight to get that done because the doctor kept saying "but what if you fall in love with a man and he wants to have kids? what will you do then?" I told him that it would be tough shit for the man because there was no way in hell I wanted any more kids, I couldn't handle the one I had (hyperactive as hell, he was, and still is at the age of 33).
ReplyDeleteSo, I've told those young women what experiences I had, how I felt about them, and what I would do if I were in their situation. I also told them that just because that's what I would do, didn't mean it was the right solution for them. That they had to make the decision that they could live with, that what anyone else thought didn't matter, only how they felt because it was their life, no one else's and no one else would have to deal with the emotions involved in making those decisions and living with them. Which is why I've always said what women do with their bodies is no one's business, because other people don't have to live with the consequences.