A Truly Elegant Mess

Archive Diving: Logic can be fun!

2012-01-17T11:41:00.000-05:00

(Author's note: I have been digging through my archives and have been reading some of my better old posts. I've found that some could use a bit of updating. So for the sake of transparency, I'm republishing them with the new additions.)

This post was originally published 11/12/08. Republished with more gender neutral language and with a fuller expansion of pro choice positioning.

Dear people who cant seem to string together a basic logic chain with a map and a flashlight,

We have had our disagreements, me with the thinking, you with the lack thereof and the taking offense that I would DARE to think for myself and not bow to your inferior non-logic, but I have recently encountered something from you that I feel needs immediate direct attention.

I will never tell you that you are not allowed to have an opinion on an issue that you are not directly involved in or have experience with. You can have any opinion you want, no matter how infantile or stupid it may be. It is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

HOWEVER, your opinion is NOT fact, and because it is your opinion does not mean that it is factually true, or accurate. While I will not tell you that you cannot have your opinion based on lack of experience, exposure or understanding, I WILL tell you when your opinion is uniformed due to the previously stated conditions. Reading newspapers about an issue does not count, knowing someone involved in said issues does not count, caring about it with not practical experience DOES NOT COUNT.

Examples:

1) If you are not a pregnant or potentially pregnant person, you may have an opinion on abortion, but otherwise it is none of your business, yes, even if it is your significant other seeking said abortion. If you have a healthy relationship, then you should trust hir to consider your feelings in the decision. If you can't then you probably should not have been sleeping with hir to begin with. If hir getting one is so abhorrent to you, then dump hir and sleep with someone that will give birth to your spawn. If dumping hir is not an option, then tough. The same can be said if you impregnate your significant (or not so significant) other and zie chooses to keep the pregnancy.

2) If you have no functioning knowledge of a specific culture and their language other than a few news sources and the internet, then you may have an opinion about events within that culture, but your opinion will not come from a place of actual understanding of the mentality of the people involved and the structure of the society that shaped it. Your opinion is therefore, UNINFORMED and most likely based in faulty information.

These things also apply to me, and to anyone who wishes to engage in debate or discussion, so please don't try to turn this around on me. I can tell you that you don't know everything, while still not knowing everything myself.

Have a lovely day,
Dori

Growl

2011-10-28T17:08:00.000-04:00

So SO SO glad to be past the digestive system part of my bio class. Half the chapter was about nutrition, meaning that there was a ton of “OBESITY CRISIS OMGZDEATHFATZ!” There was the obligatory “studies have found a ::coughmumble::correlation::coughmumble:: between obesity and DEATHLY DYINGS OF DEATH!” the so strident point of the initial two chapters about correlation=/=causation got tossed out the window as the chapter then launches into the evils of being fat.

I kinda saw this coming. In an earlier chapter it talks about adipose cells and how they are finding that fat people simply have more of them. Those cells don’t come out of nowhere, we are born, live and die with them. And instead of just leaving it at that, the book’s authors jump to the conclusion that the solution to the “obesity crisis” is to figure out how people with more adipose cells can have those “excess” cells removed. You know, instead of FUCKING ACCEPTING THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST FAT AND THAT THE FAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM.

Sure, there are health problems that can be attributed to food quality and activity level, as well as environmental and economic factors. The ACTUAL evidence (as opposed to a correlation) suggests that these problems occur just as readily in “normal” and “underweight” people exposed to those same factors and that their health outcomes are actually worse because its assumed that they are healthy because they aren’t fat. I really have to find the links to those studies. Especially because my text book steam rolls right the fuck over the fact that while there are fewer of those studies than there are of the ~~FAT IS GOING TO MURDER YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN IN YOUR SLEEP THEN CACKLE EVILLY AS IT PISSES ON YOUR CARPET~~ correlational studies, the quality of the evidence is considerably different and by the books own standards, considerably more valid.

My spouse is a perfect example. Zie has always been bean-pole skinny and unable to gain significant weight no matter WHAT diet zie had. Hir doctors always ignored this, and gave hir a clean bill of health every time. Turns out zie had ciliac and was dealing with a massive nutritional deficit because of the damage to hir intestines.

At worst, being fat can be a symptom of a larger, systemic issue. Its not even a necessary one. But mostly? Fat is just a part of your body, doing what it has evolved to do. The fear mongering about fat? Is having a real, measurable impact on public health.
This is one place with the scientific community where I really sorta lose my shit. THIS IS BAD SCIENCE! I am almost as upset at the bastardization of a system that is supposed to be constructed to avoid shit like this than I am at the actual harm these assumptions are doing to me, mine and the larger human community. YOU ARE DOING SCIENCE WRONG AND GODAMMIT THAT PISSES ME OFF.

of nipple shields and ceiling wax, cabbages and kings

2011-07-30T10:58:00.000-04:00

(Image description: an indented circle of silicone that peaks in a cone in the middle)

I have been using a nipple shield as a breast feeding aid since coming home from the hospital. Above is a picture of the type pf shield the lactation consultant gave me. My baby was 4 weeks early and apparently with babies born that early there is usually issues with initial breast feeding. Their jaws are not developed enough to latch on without help.

Anyway, the shield was a godsend at first, since I was having the hardest time figuring out how the fuck this breast feeding thing was supposed to work with a child that was smaller than one of my boobs, while my boobs were leaking everywhere and almost drowning hir, AND we were on an aggressive feeding schedule to help hir get hir bilirubin count down to a normallish level and avoid re-hospitalization for jaundice. I couldn't for the life of me get hir to latch without it, and my nipples had this awful habit of almost retracting into my breast when I tried.

The only problem was that the shield was a bit too small for one of my nipples and caused me quite a bit of pain. there was blood, and scabbing and throbbing, yelpy pain. I'd cry while feeding on that side, or kick the floor really hard. Made life miserable for the entire house, let me tell you. It got so bad that I spent two days nursing exclusively on the undamaged side and only pumping the side that hurt. Which meant staying in the same spot all freaking day, and essentially doing nothing but pumping and nursing.

One night I lost the fucking thing and almost had a total meltdown because the baby was hungry and crying and I couldn't feed hir and I was broken because I couldn't feed my child without help and Oh My God I was a miserable fucking failure failure FAILURE! (I felt like a right dickhead when I discovered I'd thrown this awful fit thinking it was lost and the damn thing was just shut in my computer.)

After quite a few frustrating attempts, I had almost quit trying to move to feeding without it, and had resigned myself to pain and the stress of keeping track of this little piece of silicone for the duration of our breast feeding relationship. Then about a week ago, my aunt that was visiting to meet the baby was watching me breast feed with the shield, and she suggested, gently, that I was ready to try and get hir to latch without it.

This aunt and I have always been close, to the point that I see her as almost a mother/sister in my life. While she subscribes to some spiritual ideas that can be obnoxious in some ways, she has also given me some great insights through the years. So I gave it a shot. And holy shit, first try and zie latched on like we had never done anything else! Today was the first day we went for all of our feeds without it, and the only things that have changed is how I feel about feeding my baby.

I'm so proud of hir...and of me. We are fucking awesome :D

The Objectivity Farce

2011-07-28T11:08:00.000-04:00

(Editors Note: this post was originally published 6/26/2011)

“Eventually, one has to take sides if one is to remain human.”

—

-Mr. Hinh, The Quiet American

I got involved in facebook drama today. It revolved around my roommate and the end of her previous relationship. The relationship was abusive on many levels and her ex continues to find ways to continue abusing her even though they live in different states.

He has engaged in an ongoing attempt to isolate her by constructing a narrative that paints her as the stereotype in separations. He claims, always via facebook and never to her face where she can defend herself, that she cheated on him and is trying to keep him from his children. None of this is true. Unfortunately, because it neatly fits the stereotype, quite a few people believe it. The people believing it aren’t my issue. My issue are the few people in our friend group that are claiming that they are “neutral” and “not taking sides.” I finally snapped today and made it very clear that I saw no neutral ground here.

In situations where abuse is present, in personal matters or in larger global matters, there is no neutral. There is no “uninvolved.” If you know about it, you’re involved. If you choose the illusion of inaction, you are not just involved, you are implicated.

And I don’t want to police people by demanding they act as I see fit. I do realize that everyone has a limit of what they can do and what they can handle. I am just sick of this idea that we should remain above the bad things that people we thought we could trust do to those we claim to care about.

And I am still a bit pissed off at being accused of “starting drama for drama sake” because I was willing to make a goddamn decision and because I was willing to be involved.

Contrasts and confessions

2011-07-24T12:20:00.000-04:00

Editor's note: this piece was originally posted on June 5, 2011

I have a roommate. My roommate is a dear friend of mine, and she lives with me because she needed a place to get away from a shitty relationship.

She and I are close because we diverge radically on certain ideas but still manage to respect each other. The big diverge is on reproductive choices. When we met she was ardently pro-life, to the point that she openly advocated for the striking down of Roe v. Wade. From her, I learned how to respectfully debate and explain my stance to people that held opinions I found to be dangerous and oppressive. From me, she came to the realization that if she did not want people to control her choices, maybe she shouldn’t advocate for controlling theirs. She still is absolutely against having an abortion when she gets pregnant regardless of whether she is in a position where another child is something she can handle. Because of this perspective, she has three children aged 18 months to 5 years and is expecting another in January.

She has admitted to me that while she loves her kids, none of them were planned and that she really isn’t very happy that she has so many kids. She told me that she feels obligated to bring her pregnancies to term, and that she only has kids because she honestly felt she had no other choice. She has repeatedly told me that she wished she could have a life of her own. I have been watching her struggle between the idea that she deserves to choose when/how many kids she has and the idea that she only deserves to gestate every fertilized egg that implants regardless of her ability to provide for them.

Now that I have a child of my own, and have gone through the experience of pregnancy and childbirth, her position and the upset I see from her every day makes me so incredibly sad. I have been there for all four of her pregnancies and after the first one, well…lets just say that I have never seen someone so resigned to a fate that they found unpleasant before.

I try really hard not to judge the reproductive choices of others. I feel that to do so I am betraying my own ethical code. Its a strain with my friend. Because while my ethical code is built around “live and let live” its also built around the idea that we all deserve to be free to make the choices that nourish us, that leave us content with our lives. Anything that prevents us from doing so is unjust and must be stopped. This is applied through a lens that understands and accepts that certain groups in my country and culture have been systematically forced into situations that strip them of those options. It is leavened with the assertion that any choice we make that oppresses others is also unjust no matter how content it makes us. That is the source of everything I do to strive for a more just world.

When I watch how miserable she is and how that misery escapes her in little ways like assuming that my child has the capacity to manipulate me consciously at the age of 5 weeks, or throwaway statements describing her children as sociopaths, I find my ability to not judge someone’s choices strained in the extreme. It takes a great deal of self control not to sit down and tell her that how much she hates her life is the reason why people like almost all the uterus bearing members of my immediate family have had abortions. To tell her that she is allowed to strive for her own happiness even if it means not bringing a pregnancy to term. To tell her that this is the problem with a pro-life ideology, that it leaves people like her spending their lives in obligation to people they love but don’t like very much, and never having the chance to be simply content with their situation.

I mean, I don’t think that parenthood is this joyful dance through a field of daisies while the sky rains kittens pooping rainbow marshmallows. I realize that parenthood is great sometimes, and shit sometimes. It can make you incandescently joyous, and utterly miserable, and oftentimes manage both at once. Mostly its just another part of life, and like many things that are a part of life, I believe very strongly that one should be able to choose to engage in it as freely as possible.

Its tearing me apart, feeling awful for her because I haven’t seen her truly content with her life since the birth of her first child, and at the same time feeling like I’m fucking up big time for even daring to think that she made bad choices. I realize that these choices are not made in a vacuum, so I don’t blame her for her misery. I do wonder what it would take for her to value her own happiness to the same degree that she feels obligated to give up her life for her children. I can’t resolve this conflict of my ethics, that seems to tell me that since she chose this, I have to stand by and just watch her be miserable.

So that’s my confession, I guess. That I still make this about me.

Bump in the Road

2011-07-22T12:18:00.000-04:00

Editor's note: this piece was originally posted 6/1/2011

(Content notice: discussion of gender dysphoria and thoughts of self harm) Okay.

So. One thing I didn’t prepare myself for. Issues with breast feeding triggering dysphoria.

Since I’m still working it all out, I rarely discuss the issues that come with my gender identity. Hell, until recently, I assumed that my gender issues were just deeply internalized fat hatred. Mainly because I experience little to no dysphoria regarding my genitals, I mostly don’t regard them unless I’m having sex. Pretty much all of my dysphoria centers around my breasts, which were H cups prior to pregnancy.

When I was a teenager, my boobs exploded over night. Flat chest to C cups and a year later C cups to Gs. I hated them. They never felt right or comfortable. I didn’t know what dysphoria was or that the nights I spent in tears, barely preventing myself from going to the kitchen and trying to cut them off with my father’s knives were part of anything more than normal fat teen self hatred. The fact that this coincided with getting passively kicked out of the dance company I was in just made me hate them more. It felt like my body betrayed me.

As I got older, I decided to keep my breasts purely for breast feeding purposes. They are not particularly sensitive and I derive little to no sexual pleasure from them, so beyond the function of feeding a baby, I saw no point in keeping them. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that breast feeding is something much more complex than it seems and that doesn’t always work right away. Imagine my dismay when I found breast feeding rather difficult.

My child was just early enough to have difficulty coordinating hir suck-swallow-breathe reflex. When babies are born as early as zie was, they also have trouble latching on to the nipple. That plus my nipples being flat (they don’t get or stay perky) makes breast feeding a stressful, pain inducing task. Add a dose of dysphoria into the mix and you pretty much have a typical night at my house since the baby came home. I haven’t had such a painful relationship with my boobs since they first grew.

I mean, I kept these fucking things for this? and then the guilt sets in, because I want to feed my child, and I enjoy seeing hir fed and growing and comfortable with a full belly, but at the same time its all I can do not to give up and hack these fuckers off for good.

Pregnancy helped me do a 180 on my body image, but my breasts were excluded from that. And with the lack of visibility of genderqueer/fluid folks like myself, there really isn't a manual for this.

Happy Birthday: a fat queer birth story

2011-07-20T11:18:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: this piece was originally posted May 20th 2011)

(content notice for discussions of pain and medical interventions)

My dad is a labor and delivery nurse, and he likes to say that the more strict someone's birth plan is, the more likely it is that their plan is going to go horribly awry. For my child's birth, nothing went to plan. Well, that's not entirely true. My only set plan was to have a baby, and that zie would be able to survive outside of me. And I had very little confidence in that plan, to be honest.

I spent most of my pregnancy being fairly hermit-like, both on and off-line, because I was waiting for something to go wrong. After the struggle to conceive and carry a pregnancy, I was fairly well convinced that my body was little more than a death trap for any new life. I spent years being checked for conditions like poly cystic ovaries that can cause infertility, and being told that obesity caused them. I really internalized the idea that being fat meant I had destroyed my chances of reproducing. So when I finally did manage a pregnancy, I was absolutely convinced that my body would kill it somewhere along the way. I was so scared of this that I couldn't discuss anything about it with anyone. I felt like I was getting everyone's hopes up for no reason, since clearly there was no way that a fatty like me would be able to carry a pregnancy to term or give birth to a live child.

I had also spent a good deal of my pregnancy delving into my gender identity. Trying to find that space between queer identity, internalized fat hatred and how quickly my body was changing in ways that are coded very femininely and as "good" fatness.

So when my water broke 4 weeks early, while I was preparing for a maternity photo shoot, I was a little surprised. Partially because it was early and partially because a substantial part of me was convinced that I would not get that far. Then again, I had been having a constant back ache for the last two days, and added pressure on my cervix so it wasn't a complete shock.

I went right to the bathroom, and called my birth coach upstairs just to be sure. At that moment, my spouse and my photographer got to the house. They found me standing pantsless and cursing a blue streak in the bathtub as amniotic fluid gushed down my legs. I called my midwives, and because I was early they told me to go to the Perinatal Evaluation and Treatment Unit (PETU) at their associated hospital as soon as possible.

My original plan was to try and labor with as little intervention as possible. I was flexible, however. Having a family member that does nothing but help birth babies gave me a unique perspective on the reality of giving birth. For the most part, intervention is unneeded, but when it is, accepting small interventions can prevent larger ones. There were only a few interventions that I wanted to avoid at all costs, namely episiotomy (cutting into the flesh from the vaginal opening towards the anus to widen the vaginal opening) and a c-section. Episiotomies generally lead to worse tearing than just pushing, and the outcomes for c-sections tend to be not so hot.

Being 4 weeks before my due date made avoiding all intervention impossible. I ended up in the PETU on external fetal monitors for an hour. The midwife on call was concerned about the possible reasons why I had ruptured so early. Most reasons were not too big of a deal but the possibility of infection was a concern. So we discussed artificially ripening my cervix, and I was left in the PETU to labor so we could see if that would be necessary.

I went into labor on a ridiculously busy night, so it took 6 hours before they could move me to a delivery room. I basically spent all of early labor and part of active labor in a tiny space designed for triage. Not fun. I consented to a heparin lock, so I would be able to get hooked to an IV relatively quickly if need be.6 hours, pacing a small space, with my spouse applying pressure to my lower back once my contractions got so bad that I couldn't talk through them.

12 hours after I ruptured, the midwife came in with a look on her face that did not inspire confidence. She told me that with the fear of infection and the fact that I had only dilated 3 centimeters, she thought it best to try a bit of enhancement. She suggested what my dad calls "a sniff of Pit." A small dose of Pitocin, with some Benadryl and a pain medication so I could rest before the birthing stage. Her biggest concerns were 1) getting the baby out before we hit the 24 hour mark, and 2) making sure that I had the energy to push once I was ready.

I went for it. Not two minutes after they attached my IV and injected the pain meds, I was passing out. I managed to sleep for about three hours before the contractions woke me up again. I tried to get up and move to deal with the pain, but the external fetal monitor severely limited my movement. Every time I tried to squat to deal with the pain, the monitor slipped and they lost the baby's heartbeat. I moved into the bed, and we tried to manage the contraction pain with massage. My spouse climbed into the bed next to me, and held me until the contractions started. Every time the pain began, zie'd massage my lower back and apply counter pressure until I relaxed.

over the next hour, I dilated from 4 cm to 10 cm. The pain spiked so quickly that I went into a full panic. I couldn't move during the contractions, and all of my coping techniques up to that point simply didn't cut the mustard. I was screaming and punching the bed through each one. If I could have moved, I'd have run away. My spouse was terrified that I was going to hurt myself and kept trying to comfort me in any way zie could. There honestly wasn't much comfort to be had. the pain had me in complete instinct mode. Anything vaguely resembling self-consciousness was gone. My birth coach was livid that I was left to scream that way, and was getting ready to find someone to come and care for me when the nurse and the midwife came in.

They checked me, and got me set up to push with a knotted sheet for me to hold onto. As I pushed, I was to pull myself up using the sheet. I was pushing for less than an hour when I began crowning. I could feel ears and a nose on the sides of the head, and seconds later Shai's head was out. The rest of her body slipped from me in a rush and suddenly I had a tiny, struggling, goo covered baby on my chest. My spouse was beside me, in tears, telling me how much zie loved me and how amazing I was. I was in utter shock. All I could say was "oh baby. Its a baby!" and run my hands over hir. I held hir while I was being stitched up and until zie had to be bathed.

Its funny.

I had so many fears about this whole thing. All of them are gone now. Every time I look at my Shai's little face, smell hir breath, feel hir tiny heartbeat while zie sleeps on my chest.

This is the most mundane and amazing thing I have ever done. and even with all the pain and frustration, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Alone time

2011-07-18T12:12:00.000-04:00

Editor's note: this piece was originally posted April 16th 2011

In the mornings and at bed time I like to lay on my side and feel the baby move. (Since I’m at the point that I could give birth at any moment and the baby would survive, I think its safe to call hir a baby instead of a fetus.)

At night, my spouse puts hir hand on my belly and we just feel our child move together.

Its amazing to me the changes that have happened just in the last few months. This child has brought many things with hir.

My spouse put off her transition journey until we could manage a viable pregnancy.

We both wanted at least one child, and we were concerned about my ability to carry a successful pregnancy without help so we didn’t want to risk the significantly lessened odds of conception via artificial insemination or in-vitro. There was also the cost factor of such a path, which we are still not sure we can afford if we want to have a second child.

That positive pregnancy test back in September made her transition a current reality.

Until that day, we were looking at a five to ten year wait before even starting hormones. That day, the wait became a year and became very very real. The change this has brought about for hir and for me has been astounding. I have never seen my spouse so happy with just existing.

Engaging in something so heavily gendered as gestation and eventual parenthood has been a serious challenge. SO many people insist on using the word “Daddy” to describe my spouse and “Mommy” to describe me, and we haven’t figured out exactly what we can say to dissuade that that doesn’t out both of us as well as explaining in detail what non-binary means.

There is the additional fear about coming out to family. My parents know about my spouse at least (I don’t have the energy to try and explain myself to them) but my spouse’s parents don’t. And we are heavily dependent on their good will for a lot of things, not the least of which being our home. Now, I don’t think that my spouse’s father would ever contemplate taking our home away from us, and while I’m fairly certain hir mother wouldn’t either, this is also the same woman that yelled the word “Kikes” in my hearing so its hard to say. The outcome of this, well...we won't know for a while.

The other change zie has brought...for the first time in my life, I love my belly. I've always been round and I've been taught to hate it because fat is evil, especially on someone that everyone assumes is a girl. Now I have a feeling so deep about what my body can DO that hating it seems like a crime. My fat, queer body can and is growing and sustaining a child, a child that is already dearly loved and wanted. Its the most mundane, yet most amazing thing I have ever done, and I can't bring myself to hate the body that's doing it all. I was also worried about the deep cultural coding of reproductive bodies as "women" considering I am not one as such. But I have found a certainty of my actual gender identity along with the ability to bring new life into the world. I don't have to be a woman to do this right.

Even with gravity making sleeping at night almost impossible, I have never felt so free of the weight of a world that doesn't recognize the existence of myself or my family. Zie's not even here, and I already owe hir so much.

Not enough

2011-07-16T12:36:00.000-04:00

(Editor's note: this post was originally published March 5, 2011)

Embarrassing admission time: I had no idea who Harvey Milk was until I started hearing about this movie.

Maybe not embarrassing. I’m actually a little annoyed by this. My mother was living in SF during the riots immediately following his assassination, yet I never knew who he was.

(warning, this is about to turn into a rant against my parents, and against not going far enough)

I posted Arwyn’s piece on raising her kid purple and being aware that not every kid is cis or straight and being open to the idea that your kid might be trans or queer on my Facebook. One of my friends responded by saying “I’m just going to let my kids be themselves.” When I talk to my parents about being queer (they don’t know about my gender issues) my mother talks about “teaching you guys to love the person, not the body.”

Well, revelation time, I didn’t even know that being queer or trans was possible until I figured out that I was queer and a friend told me that she was planning on transitioning. I was 16. I told my mom as soon as I realized, because I did trust her and I wanted her to say she was okay with it. That’s not what I got. I got “well, have you had sex with any of your boyfriends?” “Well, how do you know?” “Don’t you think its just a phase? I mean, you do a lot of things just for attention…”

we didn’t talk about my sexual orientation for almost a decade.

She still believes that because she didn’t threaten me, or kick me out or be physically violent that she was completely supportive. (My dad just sort of ignores the whole thing after making constipation faces when the subject comes up, or makes homophobic jokes about gay men then accuses me of being too sensitive when I point out that those jokes are only funny if you think there is something wrong with being gay. He also has deep insecurities about masculinity, specifically his own, but I think that can make a post in itself.) I’m sure my friend is comfortable leaving her support at “letting them be themselves” without any examination of how her expectations of who they are based on cultural expectations of cis and hetero normativity will give them a very specific message of how much she will support them if they aren’t cis or straight thinks that is enough.

Its not.

Its not enough.

If it was enough, it wouldn’t have taken me until my twenties to know that someone like Harvey Milk existed, or about Stonewall, or that transitioning from your birth assigned gender was even possible.

When the whole world around us tells us that only straight cis folk are real, we need more than not openly being hateful to be supported.

Dear Baby

2011-07-14T12:26:00.000-04:00

(Editor's note: this piece was originally published February 26, 2011)

I saw a mother and teen, maybe adult daughter talking today, and it sent my mind questing ahead into possible futures for us. The idea of not being friends when you’re an adult makes me really sad. Even sadder, I think is just the thought of how, each year that you grow you won’t just be growing taller, stronger, or older, but growing away. On to a life of your own. And that makes me sad. In this mood, just the idea of you being born makes me a little sad, because we will lose something then. We will lose an intimacy that I can never share with anyone else, or with you, in the same way ever again.

I think that being pregnant with you is the most intimate thing I have ever done. You’re inside my body, for god’s sake, it can’t get any more intimate than that. You’re still so small, I can barely feel you kick sometimes, but already, I’m closer to you than I have ever been to another human being in my entire life. I was telling your mom today that while I don’t operate under the average person’s concept of modesty (I consider taking my clothes off in front of an audience to be an art form ;) [oh lordy, will I embarrass the crap out of you. Or not, but the idea is still hilarious]) I do have a limit insofar as what I will allow strangers to access about me. And that limit is true intimacy. I simply don’t allow just anyone close to me. And here I am, growing a complete stranger in my body.

I guess I should explain what I mean by intimacy. I’m not sure I even know how to put it into words, and sometimes words just obscure truth. Some of the deepest things in this world, the most meaningful, have to be experienced wordlessly. In these cases, words just serve to both complicate and over simplify the magnitude of these feelings. But, for the sake of honesty and in lieu of some other, more efficient way to make myself clear, i will try to explain.

Intimacy is letting people see and access your deepest known self. Its complete honesty about your strengths and flaws, and a willingness to not insist on that same access and honesty in return. Its about being who you genuinely feel you are with no reservations and worries. Its about giving someone the ability to touch the deepest parts of you, both physical and mental and trusting them not to hurt you unnecessarily and/or intentionally. Its about bringing down all the walls you know of and just being with this person.

Since you are inside me, and dependent completely on me for survival, I feel like the only way I can be with you is to be this open for you. If i don’t let these walls and masks drop, it becomes too easy for me to resent all the physical pain and difficulty that comes with growing a human being. I realize this is my weakness and not your fault, and I offer myself to you gladly.

I hope you like me.

round and round and round and round

2011-07-12T12:42:00.000-04:00

editors note: this piece was originally posted 2/21/22

As most of you have already seen, I’m round. I am comprised mainly of circles, especially at the moment with the belly of doooooom.

My tits are getting bigger (which is RIDICULOUS because they were unmanageably big before I got pregnant [38 H, you guys. 38. H. and weighing in at 5.5lbs each.]) and have started leaking if I’m not wearing some sort of support, which is FUN because I ran out of support garments that actually fit about a month ago and have come up with absolutely zero decent replacements.

This is wreaking some merry havoc with my gender at the moment. I mean, pre-pregnancy an androgynous presentation was utterly out of my reach and I had figured out ways to live with that, these changes are just throwing it into starker relief.

I don’t experience massive dysphoria. At least, I experience emotional pain wrt feeling dysphoric in a very minute fashion. I figured out how to deal with that through my healing process from my eating disorder (on going healing process, but mostly at a maintenance level these days) and the pain is not reasserting itself.

Instead I’m annoyed that I see so few examples of FAAB gender-queer folk like myself that are not able to adopt a more masculinized/androgynous appearance in places set up to be welcoming to us. I realize that probably has more to do with how US culture frames body types and gender and what boxes we are all constrained within because of it, so no, I’m not mad at the spaces themselves but more the framework we are all stuck to. If parts of that framework fit you and work for you and ease your pain, that’s wonderful. I’m very happy for you because I do have an idea of what its like to be trying to be something you aren’t. I just don’t fit there, and I’m getting tired of trying to find the next best thing because its still the wrong thing. Its like trying to sleep with sand in my bed.

Anyone know where I can get a dustbuster?

Shai, 6 Weeks

2011-07-11T11:37:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: This piece was originally published on June 7th, 2011

(I pulled this idea from Blue Milk and her posts about and for her kids)

Dear Shai,*

Its been nearly 6 weeks since you were born, even though it feels much shorter than that. I want to keep track of the things that make the deepest impression on me since this time with you is flying by so fast.

So here are two lists: one of my five favorite things so far, and one of my five least favorite things.

5 least favorite things:

Losing my temper when you cluster feed in the early mornings
How paranoid I am that you will stop breathing
The diaper rash I caused by switching diaper brands
How sometimes you can only be comforted by me
How fast you’re growing

5 15 most favorite things:

Your milky smell
The way you resemble a little bird when you root around, looking for a nipple.
How desperately you want to be able to hold your head up
How surprised you look when you manage to do so
How you wrinkle your brow when you’re trying to focus on my face
Your little hand resting on my belly when you nurse
Your baby smiles when you dream
How you snuggle on me or your mommy
When you make what your mommy calls your “turtle face”
how soft you are
How relaxed you get when I hold you
The little glimpses I get of your voice
How vocal you’ve been from the moment you touched my skin
How absolutely in love with you I am
how fast you’re growing

*Not hir actual name, but the name that I will be using online when talking to or about hir.

Fat Mama

2011-07-09T12:27:00.002-04:00

Editor's Note: this piece was originally posted January 31 2011

(Content notice for mentions of body hatred and eating disorders)

Inspired by this post.

I have been back and forth on posting pictures of my belly.

I’m at almost 6 months now, and my belly has definitely gotten poochy :) I love it.

One of my first worries about pregnancy had to do with my hatred of my body.

For years I would freak out over my belly, which at 185-200 lbs is usually able to sit against my thighs when I am seated. Even when I was ill, throwing up every day, unable to eat more than apple sauce and saltines for 30 days straight and had lost 40 lbs from the lack of anything but the barest sustenance I still had a little pouch of fat hanging beyond my stomach muscles. Especially when my cycle got going and I got bloated, I would have days when I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that i would literally tear my clothes off and freak out crying for hours.

The last thing I wanted during a wanted pregnancy was to be so filled with self hatred that I couldn’t stand the feeling of my own skin. I don’t have a religious set of beliefs strictly speaking, but I do believe that we carry intense emotions in our bodies. And it wasn’t fair of me to pass such intense hatred on to someone that does not have the power to get away from me. It goes beyond unfair. Its utterly wrong. I simply don’t have the right to impress my issues on someone that can’t choose to be near me.

That said, to my utter surprise and delight, I love my fat, pregnant belly. The bigger it gets, the happier I get. Every time I look at it in the mirror, every time I run my hands over it, or my partner falls asleep with her arm encircling it, I love it even more, because I can feel the movements of what will be our child. I feel so awash in a deep deep love for all of us, me, my gorgeous spouse and this little eventual person that is part of both of us. Its so strong sometimes that I almost can’t bear it. I can feel a deep deep connection to something primordial and ancient. There’s no room in there for all the false and poisonous shit about how gross and wrong a fat belly is.

I don’t know if there’s any poison left in me. I don’t know if there is any way for me to find out, but maybe this will help me draw out any remainders.

I'm Still Alive

2011-07-09T09:54:00.003-04:00

so, I've been MIA for a while, mostly due to getting pregnant last fall and then adjusting to life with a baby in the most recent months. My pregnancy came with a significantly shortened attention span, which is saying something considering my ADD makes it tough to focus at times to begin with. (Hence my sporadic posting schedule prior to my attention span getting shot to hell)

For any readers that have kept me on their Google Reader feeds and wants to see more active posting from me, I do have a Tumblr that I manage to maintain. I do have some great pieces that I posted there about my pregnancy and the first few weeks of parenthood as a femme genderqueer person, so I'm planning on bringing them over here.

To my Tumblr friends that are clicking over to read my "real" blog, I apologize in advance for the cross-over. I like to think of it as a "greatest hits" re-run.

Anyways, dear anyone that still reads this space, thanks for sticking around :)

Not a solution

2011-02-23T12:23:00.000-05:00

Shawna Forde Sentenced To Death For Double Murder In Arizona

Okay, I have some feelings about this.

I feel like I can appreciate the spirit in which this sentence was delivered but I cannot agree with the decision to put this woman to death.

First of all, in general, I don’t see the point of a system that tries to tell people that murder is bad by killing them for committing murder. I am not a supporter of state sponsored violence, especially with a state that is constructed so that only certain groups of people will ever be subject to their violence.

Second, killing one woman for her decision to kill innocent people does absolutely nothing to address the environment that condoned her actions until she stepped over the line into the states monopoly on inflicting violence on individuals.

It presents her death as some sort of solution to a problem that goes well beyond her and her individual decisions. And it allows those of us with the privilege to do so to continue framing racist violence as a problem only for solitary groups and people that we deem to be “over the top.” It allows us to remain secure in this concept of “real” racism that needs violence and death and blood to actually be a problem. And in the end, I personally am not a fan of wasting time and resources on faux-solutions.

Thousands of cuts

2011-01-25T11:28:00.001-05:00

(possible trigger warning for discussions of forced genital modification and descriptions of people defending it)

Half of my family is Jewish, so one of the things my mother asked me when I revealed my pregnancy was if we were going to plan for a bris in the advent of having a child with a penis. I told her no, despite my desire to raise my child with an awareness of their Jewish heritage, I have no desire to subject them to unnecessary surgery. Its hir body, not mine and I will no more get a child with a penis circumcised than have surgery done to "correct" ambiguous genitalia.

I got into a big argument on New Year's with a bunch of people in my family about this. To be clear, I was asked if we were planning to circumcise (it was not presented as though it was assumed we would) and I just said "no" citing that I believed that the kid's body belongs to hir, especially once zie is no longer dependent on my body for survival so I don't feel I have the right to decide that for hir. This has been my stance on everything from forced sexual assignment surgery as referenced in the above paragraph to ear piercings in infancy. Suddenly I'm being forced to defend my stance on this to a roomful of people, some of whom I don't know very well if at all. (As a note, my mother was supportive of me, though not vehemently, and did apologize for bringing it up in a place where I would have to defend it to almost complete strangers.)

My two favorite arguments? "But, you'll have to teach them how to clean it!" Yes, I'm going to have to teach hir how to wipe hir ass too, provided zie is able to. This is different how? And "Well, I just think that cut penises are more attractive/cleaner-looking" Well, that's a wonderful argument. You think I should remove a part of my child's genitalia because you won't want to look at it if I don't? How about this? Don't like uncut penises? Don't look at my child's penis!

And all of this before anyone even knows if the kid HAS ONE YET. Hell, I don't even know!

And this is just part of it. I did realize that most of what was driving the arguments was that my stance made people feel like I was accusing them of being willing to abuse a child for no reason (to be fair, by virtue of explaining my stance, I was) and a feeling of insecurity in the men that were defending the practice. I actually had to tell one guy, who is the same age as my father and whom I had just met that evening, that he was allowed to feel comfortable about the state of his penis regardless of whether he had a choice in that state, but could he please stop trying to use religious law that I don't believe in to argue for me cutting my child.

What sent me reeling the most about the entire thing was that no one batted an eye at being presented with evidence that cutting off the foreskin is not in any way scientifically beneficial to a person that has no medical complications surrounding said foreskin. I mean, I present people with facts in the face of popular oppressive myths all the time. I have a file cabinet in my brain and a list of authors and research papers in my phone that I use as back-up because I believe/d that when presented with enough evidence of a specific "legitimate" type, people would be forced to listen and at the very least, I could plant a seed in their awareness and show them the direction that seed was growing in.

And with most of those discussions, I'm forced to use evidence that is often waved away as "opinion" because its not quantitative "hard" numbers. People regularly respond to my evidence with "well, I think that..." as though their opinion somehow cancels out decades, if not centuries of evolving scholarship, not to mention the detailed and documented experiences of the people actually living through the conditions being discussed. I was actually surprised how even the quantitative evidence was met with "well, I think that..." when confronting a structure like circumcision (good for you! you have an opinion! that flies in the face of both medical evidence and my child's right to bodily autonomy, but hey! We can pretend that those things are equal if it will get you to shut the fuck up and leave me alone.)

I realize I'm relying on a specific social construction of "logical science" as defined by an oppressive power structure to try and make people see the flaws in said power structure and the ways in which that structure is perpetuated based on "we said so" as opposed to anything that actually fits its own definition of "scientific evidence." Maybe that's why it doesn't work.

Its situations like this that make me wonder if there is any tool that will help people see the contradictions in the world around them that lead them to support oppressive power structures. Is just living in an awareness of those structures and living a life attempting to subvert as many as I can enough? Beyond enough, is it all that I can reasonably expect to do? Because it doesn't feel like enough. And it does feel like if I just stretch a little farther, try a little harder, mix just the right amount of information in just the right way, I'll find the cure. Like its hovering on the edge of my consciousness and I can see it in the corner of my minds eye but it disappears as soon as I turn towards it. Like trying to see yourself in a mirror with your eyes closed.

I'm not dead, I'm enraged

2010-12-08T10:48:00.001-05:00

You know what? This “Wikileaks founder arrested for rape” shit has me pissed the fuck off.

Wanna know why?

Because we live in a world where rape is not taken seriously by any justice system in any country I can think of. When the fucking New York Times dismisses suggestions that the aggressive pursuit of these charges against Assange is connected with Wikileaks by saying there is “no public evidence” of this fact, I just want to hand them the long list of cases in just the last two years of famous men being either acquitted of rape charges in which there is more than enough evidence for conviction or not even seeing the inside of a fucking courtroom despite mountains of evidence against them. That’s your fucking public evidence. The simple fact that NO JUSTICE SYSTEM I KNOW OF GIVES TWO SHITS ABOUT PROSECUTING RAPE CASES.

This is not to say that he is innocent or that these accusations are baseless. Frankly, find me one famous man that hasn’t done something that can be classified as some type of sexual assault and I’ll find you a rich white American hetero cis-dude that got where he is through proper use of his bootstraps. Lets just say, we are talking extremely rare cases here, since men in US and other “Western” cultures (indicating them only because they are the cultures I live with and I don’t feel qualified to pass judgment on any others) are taught that their sexuality is supposed to be predatory. I totally believe that he is capable of doing what he is accused of.

HOWEVER. This does not change the fact that the only reason I can see any court in the US or in Europe going after him is because they can’t shut him up any other way. They aren’t aggressively going after him because they care about rape victims and survivors. They are going after him because they have no other legal means of shutting him up. Its a fucking insult to every single rape survivor that has been told by police that they are a liar, or was forced to recant when their rapist was a person of some social import, or was facing being questioned in court on the witness stand by their fucking rapist, or committed suicide because of the way their peers treated them for reporting their rapes.

This is a fucking insult to every rape survivor out there that knows, deep in hir gut, that zie can never expect justice. Because no one cares about what happened to hir until it is politically expedient to care.

This is a fucking insult because instead of being valued as human beings, survivors are just used again by the state to help cover their own asses.

GOD I fucking hate the world right now.

ETA: If you are here to argue with me about rape statistics and claim that women "constantly" lie about rape, either back it up or get deleted. No, citing the Duke rape case doesn't count. If I can disprove your comment with a cursory glance at actual crime stats, from an actual law enforcement group, then expect your comment to go bye-bye. Because I do have a life that doesn't include catering to your ignorant bullshit.

Why not?

2010-06-28T09:44:00.004-04:00

(Image descrpition: A baby primate of the gold/orange and very furry variety [anyone that knows the exact name feel free to let me know!] clinging to an adult. Looks like the Firey's in The Labyrinth, hence the caption reads "Shake Mah pritty lil head, Tap mah pritty lil feet")

As inspired by Ouyang Dan, I present my first Monday Random Ten.

Who knows? maybe it will get me posting regularly again. :D
This list might end up being a bit Ani heavy, as I am a squealing fangirl. I'm not the biggest fan of how she tends to go all gender essentialist regarding her definition of women as "menstruating and fertile" but that being said, anyone who can write a song using the word "patriarchy" gets a good mark from me. Kind of like how I admire Type-O Negative ::sniff:: for being able to work the word "Nosferatu" into a song without being utterly ridiculous

1-Little Plastic Castle~Ani Difranco
2-L'Innocent~"Kooza" from Cirque du Soleil
3-Simple and Clean(techno remix)~theme from Kingdom Hearts
4-Touched~Vast
5-Captain Ward~Tempest
6-20th Century Boy~Placebo (covering T.Rex)
7-Walk on the Moon~Great Big Sea
8-Its Oh So Quiet~Bjork
9-Before I'm Dead~Kidney Thieves
10-Stars and Stripes~K.M.F.D.M

I wanted to find video of Tempest performing "Captain Ward" but all I could find was a recording with a picture of the album cover:

Lyrics: (Note- this song is based on a Scottish folk song. The lyrics as recorded for the original are not the lryics used in this version, but I can't find an exact transcript and I can't hear the words well enough to produce one that isn't line after line of "indecipherable." So, my apologies for a lack of accurate lyrics on this.

Come all ye jolly mariners

That love to tak' a dram

Which go an' seek for Captain Ward

That o'er the seas did come.

He wrote a letter to his king

On the eleventh o' July,

To see if he wad accept o' him

For his jovial company.

"Oh na, oh na," says the king,

"Such things they canna be,

They tell me ye are a robber,

A robber on the sea."

He has built a bonnie ship,

An' sent her to the sea,

Wi' fower an' twenty mariners

To guard his bonnie ship wi'.

They sailed up an' they sailed doon,

Sae stately, blythe, an' free,

Till they spied the king's high Reindeer

Like a leviathan on the sea.

"Why lie ye here, ye tinker,

Ye silly coordly thief?

Why lie ye here, ye tinker,

An' hold oor king in grief?"

They fought from one in the morning

Till it was six at night,

Until the king's high Reindeer

Was forced to tak' her flight.

"Gang hame, gang hame, ye tinkers.

Tell ye your king fae me

Though he reign king upon good dry land,

I will reign king upon the sea."

I stink. Fucking get over it.

2010-06-23T12:07:00.003-04:00

(Note: If you arrived here from Spearhead, welcome. Please be polite to others, and if all you get out of my story here and the stories of physical assault in the comment thread is "heh heh heh stupid feminazis," then I encourage you to check your moral compass and try to find something resembling empathy. If you can't or won't treat others humanely, then I encourage you, kindly, to shove off back to whatever rock you crawled out from under because you sure as shit are not welcome here. -The Management)

I have a HUGE chip on my shoulder about societal expectations for body odor.

I don’t wear antiperspirant or most artificial perfumed deodorants. I stopped wearing them five years ago when I stopped shaving my pits. Originally, my decision came from the recent loss of a dear family member who had died from her second round with breast cancer at the age of 32. She was 27 when she received her initial diagnosis. By the time she died, her doctors had performed two mastectomies and removed the lymph nodes from her left arm. I decided that I was reducing as many of my risks for cancer as I had control over considering the world we live in, including no longer purposely shoving chemicals into my lymph nodes to stop them from doing what they are designed to do.

When I made that decision, I lost a few friends because they found my choice “judgmental” of them, and I lost a lover of two years because he found my scent “disgusting.” A year, two years before this, those losses would have devastated me. But that year, my cousin being gone gave me a clarity that until then, I had not known was possible. In my clarity, I had one, exceedingly calm reaction.

Fuck them. If this is a deal breaker, consider the deal fucking smashed to itty bitty fucking pieces.

It was then that I began to truly see how USians and others to whom we have exported the damaging parts of our culture are expected to remove ourselves so completely from the basic biological processes of the human body. Especially if its a process that is highly gendered, like how we freak the fuck out over menstrual blood, or how men smelling like sweat is mostly okay, but MAUDE FUCKING FORBID that a woman smell like anything other than “Orchid Pussy Breeze,” or how “real” men are hairy and “real” women are bald from the eyebrows down (but they have to be that way BY “CHOICE” and conscious action, cause if they have a medical condition that causes them to lose their hair, well, thats just icky.) The processes exist for a reason, they have a purpose in the grand scheme of species function. But we are expected to do everything we can to escape those processes in very specific ways. We are expected to smell like chemicals instead of like our own bodies. We are expected to silence those cues from our bodies because they are coded as “offensive” to others even when we don’t find them offensive at all.

Lip service is given to the idea that we can “opt out” of these things, but the prevailing message when we do so is that we are lazy, unhygienic (this one really gets me. I’m unhygienic for not stripping all the fucking hair from my genitalia except what is the purpose of that hair? TO KEEP FUCKING DIRT OUT OF MY GODDAMN MUCOUS MEMBRANES! SO WHICH IS MORE HYGIENIC FUCKERS!?), dirty, and don’t deserve to be treated like people. I, and others that I know, have actually experienced direct action from employers because we refused to wear deodorant or shave either legs or armpits. I have been told “thats just how the world works” (which is a phrase that I loathe with every fiber of my being) with zero ZERO ZERO acknowledgment or awareness that this is just one fucked up corner of the world and that this shit doesn’t occur in a vacuum.

And how does this mindset translate into even worse judgments on those people who are left to the fringes or completely outside this concept of “humanity” due to not having time or access to luxuries like clean running water for drinking and bathing, or deodorants, or razors? People who have to focus on basic fucking survival, which shaving and perfuming are not? What about people who are fucking allergic to perfumes and artificial scents? Are they supposed to just grin and bear it because the idea that humans are just another animal offends your delicate fucking sensibilities?

I may “stink,” but at least I smell like myself, and not some mega corporation’s marketing team’s idea of what I should smell like.

(cross posted to my tumblr and a few other places, so if you see this twice, I apologize in advance.)

Where I Stand

2010-06-03T11:53:00.001-04:00

I am an American Jew. Part of why I ignored that part of me for a very long time is because I hated the occupation of Palestine and I didn’t want to be associated with it at all.

It took me years to realize that running from it was not possible and that I had a responsibility to stand up and say “you don’t do this for me.”

I cannot remember a single military action taken by the Israeli government during my lifetime that i agreed with. All the ones I can remember just make me angry and sick, because the widespread disrespect of basic human rights is something that I cannot reconcile within myself and when there is a claim that it was done to protect me, well…thats even worse.

I understand the passion that so many Jews have for having a “place for us.” I understand the feeling of being attacked and outnumbered. I do. I am only here because my great grandmother saw the writing on the wall and worked her ass off to get as many of her family members out of Poland as she could before getting out became no longer possible. Without her tenacity, I would not exist. When people talk about the Holocaust, show pictures, records…the weight of “I came that close to never happening” is tremendous. I look at pictures on records written in German of people that look just like me and my sisters who were killed before they even hit their 20’s. I still deal with ignorant shit from privileged assholes who think that the word “kike” can be used in my presence without repercussions simply because I am not religious.

That grandmother was also the one who taught her children that no one should suffer as her family that did not escape suffered. She did what she could to reign in and focus the anger of her children at how they were treated by Christians in the US, and what they saw happen to their people in Europe. She taught them (and they taught us) that we have a responsibility, in the name of the dead, to demand justice for all people.

Attacking supply ships is not justice. Creating permanent refugee camps is not justice. Choking off basic supplies necessary for survival is not justice. Taking someone’s home is not justice. Advocating genocide is not justice. Any system of ethics that finds a way to justify these actions and consider them righteous is sick and needs healing or amputation. I cannot support those actions or any government that partakes of them, especially not with the spirit of my grandmother behind me and the knowledge of the debt that I gladly owe her.

I don't hate Israel, and I don't hate my own Jewish identity. I also don't think that "shoot first and ask questions later" is viable public or foreign policy, and I do not appreciate it being done in my name or the name of my family.

If we are God’s chosen people…maybe its time Zie chose someone else.

Cirilia Baltazar Cruz reunited with her child!

2010-03-17T10:17:00.004-04:00

Back in July of 2009

The original report from Mississippi Immigrant Rights Alliance:

Cirila Baltazar Cruz gave birth to her baby girl in November of 2008 at Singing River Hospital in Pascagoula, MS. She speaks very little Spanish and no English, as her native language is Chatino, an Indigenous language from Oaxaca, Mexico that is spoken by some 50,000 people.

The hospital provided her with an “interpreter” who is from Puerto Rico and does not speak Chatino, the language of the mother. Because of the language barrier and the misunderstanding by the hospital’s interpreter who only spoke Spanish and English, a social worker was called in.

The hospital’s social worker reported “evidence” of abuse and neglect based on the following:

* The “baby was born to an illegal [sic] immigrant;”
* The “mother had not purchased a crib, clothes, food or formula.” (Most Latina mothers breast feed their babies).
* “She does not speak English which puts baby in danger.”

Ms. Baltazar Cruz’s baby was snatched from her after birth at the hospital and given to an affluent attorney couple from the posh Ocean Springs who cannot have children.

The authorities made no effort to locate an interpreter in her native tongue. MIRA located an interpreter who is fluent in Chatino in Los Angeles CA and has interviewed the mother extensively with the interpreters help. The mother has been accused of being poor and not being able to provide for this child. No one has asked the mother to provide evidence of support. She owns a home in Mexico and a store which provides both secure shelter and financial support, not counting the nurturing of a loving family of two other siblings, a grandmother, aunts, uncles and other extended family.

I reprinted a piece by Zuky at the time as well.

Well, on February 22, 2010, the Native American Times reported:

A Mexican immigrant walked out of the Gartin Justice Building on Friday holding the daughter who had been taken from her by state officials in 2008, when advocates say she was accused of being an unfit mother because she doesn’t speak English.

Cirila Balthazar Cruz and her 1-year-old child, Ruby, were surrounded by Southern Poverty Law Center officials as they left. None of them would discuss details of the case, citing the confidentiality of Youth Court proceedings.

Because the records in the case are sealed, it is unclear what reason the state used to take custody of the child. However, immigrant advocates have said the child was taken because Cruz was an illegal immigrant and did not speak English.

“This is a very happy day for us,” SPLC legal director Mary Bauer told The Associated Press. “That is her baby.”

Friday’s proceeding before Special Judge Billy Bridges may not be the end of the case, which has led to a memorandum of understanding between Mississippi and the Mexican government and drawn the attention of immigration advocates nationwide.

Important Lesson, you assholes

2010-03-13T12:54:00.000-05:00

Welcome to class! Sit down, shut up and listen.

Today's lesson, what the right to free speech in the US means and what it does not.

Some of what it means:

It is what prevents the US Government restricting speech that critisizes it. It also prevents the state from dictating that only specific points of view be presented publicly.

What it definitely does not mean:

That you have the right to say whatever you want with ZERO social consequences or critisism.

If your first reaction to "what you said was offensive, hurt me and/or replicates and supports systems of oppression that negatively impacts my existence" is "...but what about ME!? And my right to FREE SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!?" then I will likely be exercising my right to free speech to make sure that you know what a douche bucket you are.

Cause you are right. It is a free country. You are as free to be an asshole as I am to point out your assholery to both you and anyone else who cares to listen.

Dream a Little Dream For Me

2010-03-10T10:25:00.003-05:00

I love my family (though it is a complicated love.)

Some of them are a little...I'm not sure I have a good word for it.

They have this dianetics-esque concept of positive thinking as a spiritual/physical and mental health practice, which on the surface I have no real problem with. When it comes to faith, spirituality, religion, what-have-you, I have one simple rule: If it doesn't oppress anyone, and you don't push me (or anyone preferably) to convert, then its cool.

On first blush, this positive energy, rebirther thing has a lot going for it: it it means being conscious of your breathing, of your feelings, of your actions, your reactions and their source. Most people involved in this are all about taking personal responsibility for the things that happen to you and your reactions to it. It can be a great motivator for changing your own life. The snag comes in when the benefits of this perspective are discussed. Apparently, good health is all about having the right attitude and that any other factor is irrelevant. If you can "positive attitude" your way into good health, then any health problems you have are because you chose them.

For the sake of clarity, this concept is not usually stated so harshly, or so clearly. The basic idea is that our thoughts create our reality, right? So if we accept as inevitable a family history of heart disease, then we create the possibility of it existing for us. Conversely, if we were to not accept it, then it won't happen to us. Everything exists because we manifest it.

I'm sure the issue with this is obvious to a good many people who may be reading this, but just in case it isn't...

I'll start with the softer issues present here.

First, I want to be absolutely clear: I agree that if we assume that something is going to go wrong, then that will cloud our perception of events and the going wrong will be all that we notice, no matter what else is happening. I agree that perception, in one sense, creates reality insomuch as it dictates what we see in our reality. Two people watching a sunrise on a beach will, given exactly the same materials, will paint two completely different pictures of that sunrise. This does not change the sunrise itself.

I do not agree that we create reality out of whole cloth merely by imagining it or allowing the possibility to enter our minds. There is an egotistical hubris to the idea that I find distasteful and incongruous with the image of "one-ness" that the people espousing it would like to present.

The big problem, though, the huge mother-whammy of a problem with this idea is the implication that if you have problems, any problems in any form, its because you didn't think positively enough or because you allowed it to become real. The denial of the fact that sometimes shit just happens and the insistence on there being a "why." And of course the assumptive standard of "good" v "bad" in this framework posits ideas of health that are formulated by a larger oppressive culture that excludes certain types of bodies as not good enough, or real enough.

Besides watching my uncle ignore his health because breathing will make heart problems that run in the family just go away, I find the implied blame for "poor" health to be ablist and privileged in the extreme, and like a great deal of privileged crap, it comes with the best intentions.

What I don't understand about this is the incessant desire to ignore the oppressive structures of society and instead turn everything into a personal choice. Who would choose oppression? Why on the world would someone decide to be oppressed? If ending these things were as simple as making an active choice, then why hasn't the entire kyriarchy come apart at the seams? I mean, there are tons of people who would do anything to not have to wake up and keep struggling to survive and be counted. Why is your positive thinking enough to save you, and theirs isn't? Oh yeah, sunrises.

Your privileged ability to ignore oppression doesn't make it cease to exist, just like not painting the sunrise won't stop it from happening. Its just one more way to pretend like you created everything you have instead of benefiting from someone else's oppression. One more way to absolve yourself of responsibility for participating in an unjust system.

I love the smell of privilege in the morning

2010-03-08T09:50:00.000-05:00

In a work discussion about shaking hands with customers, a co-worker of mine (lets call him "Duke") complained about respecting cultures that frown on touching. There was also a bit of flailing about "sue-happy" people and "OMG, I might get accused of sexual harassment and that would be the worstest-worst thing that could ever happen to meeeeeee! Whatever would I doooooooooo!" "Why don't they respect MY culture!" blah blah blah...oppressions of white cis US males...blah blah blah..."oversensitive women"...blah blah.."respect mah authoritah"...blah..."and by authoritah I mean my white cis penis." blah.

My favorite definition of "oppression" is the one that ACTUALLY means "I'm not the center of the universe?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NO FAIR!

Your culture is DOM-I-NANT, asshole. And that is a global dominance, for the record. Thanks to advertising, globalization, colonialism and imperialism, the entire world is aware of your culture. It is so pervasive that you don't even have to be aware that you have one in the first place. You can blithely assume that your culture is globally understood as "just how it is." You can even ignore the the ways in which your concept of "American" culture excludes anyone in America who isn't EXACTLY LIKE YOU, and it would be no skin of your nose.

Also, beyond cultural differences, some people just don't like being touched. In my experience, they are people who tend to have bodies that are constructed in your precious white, het, cis male-dominated culture as public property by virtue of not being white, and/or het and/or cis and/or male. Ever been groped in public, Duke? Ever had unwanted touching of your genitals? Ever been threatened with physical violence for resisting? Ever been attacked violently for not meeting expected standards of what your body "should" be? Ever been told that violations of your body, be they groping, rape, assault and/or attempted/completed murder were justified because of your precious...fucking...culture?

...
...
...

Yeah, didn't think so.

You know what is also no skin off your nose? Not being an asshole. Its amazing how much time you'll save! You could take a poetry class!
Or you could use that time to put yourself in the shoes of someone else and try to gain a little bit of awareness of how those of us not like you experience your culture.

Now Duke (and anyone like you who might read this,) you may be at this point, "Its just a handshake! Jeez! Its a sign of respect, and its not like I force it on anyone!" While it is likely true that you actually believe this, your argument that respecting someone else's boundaries is oppressive to you necessitates you forcing it on someone. Yes, it is just a handshake to you.

It isn't the handshake that is the problem.

Its your attitude, your entitlement and your arrogant blindness.

That is the point, and the problem.

Note

2010-03-05T09:37:00.002-05:00

There is no such thing as an objective fairness in this universe. I am not required to adhere to your idea of fairness, especially when your idea of fairness does not include the perspectives of the more marginalized in our society.

You don't find me fair?

Tough.

Just cause you don't notice doesn't mean its not there

2010-01-17T16:20:00.000-05:00

I don't have high expectations for the internet. I really don't. So don't think that I am demanding anything from Cracked.com beside making me giggle. I'm not. I'm merely pointing out the ubiquity of this type of thing.

What type of thing, you ask?

The "Everyone can relate to masculine characters, therefore no one else is necessary" type of thing.

At this point, I'm used to the occasional misogyny, the homophobia, transphobia and US centrism of this website, but this got under my skin. For those who can't or won't follow the link, its a list of the "Top 10 Most Disastrous Saturday Morning Cartoon Adaptations." Most of them, I agree, are fairly crappy cartoons in general, and are even worse adaptations. However, was including She-Ra as an adaptation of He-Man and calling it atrocious because girls (trans and cis) can relate perfectly well to the hyper-masculine, Freudian-emasculation-fear-driven He-Man and besides, Bo is clearly gay, truly necessary?

Fucking hell. How much of a clearer picture of "cis-man/hyper-masculinity as default" do you need?

Know Your Context Before You Assume You are Helping

2010-01-15T14:19:00.006-05:00

I debated posting pictures of Haiti post-quake here, but I decided that it was too easy for something like that to verge into pain porn, and I'm uncomfortable with the context of something like that. All too often, disasters in places like Haiti are given an uneven treatment that buys into a "3rd world tragedy" narrative that I do not wish to participate in. It is too important that we acknowledge not just this event and the effect it has had, but how it was able to happen in the first place.

With everything circling regarding Haiti and the earthquake plus drawn out aftershocks that have further hamstrung an already impoverished nation, several things must be kept in mind.

The first is that severe poverty creates exponential vulnerability to natural disasters like this. From Meloukhia:

So, we had an earthquake here on Sunday, a 6.5. It was a little bigger than the little quakes we get now and then, so it attracted some attention. Notably, no lives were lost, and the most serious injury was a broken hip.

And then, yesterday, a 7.0 in Haiti.

And, already, the headlines, all along the lines of “what happened in Haiti could happen here!”

And, here’s the thing.

No. It can’t...

...Yes, a 7.0 earthquake here would cause damage. But nothing on the level of what happened in Haiti. Nothing. And, you know, I think that’s something we should be thinking about; what happened in Haiti didn’t happen because there was an earthquake. It happened because Haiti’s infrastructure is shot.

The second thing that we must remember is that Haiti is not poor by chance, accident, "act of God" (and for the record, the only reason why I wish there was a God is so that assholes like Pat Robertson got a chance to actually meet him and get a holy fucking smack-down. If the context seems to be missing, just Google. I am not bringing poison like that into this space), or by the actions of Haitian people. They are intentionally kept poor as a punishment for being the first successful black rebellion against colonial European powers. France made them pay reparations for property lost dues to the slaves saying "Fuck this, and fuck you!" They have been hit by a debt that that is designed to keep them in perpetual servitude to more powerful countries, and the US specifically has stepped in a fucked with their politics on more than one occasion. This is not difficult information to find, but you can start here and here.

Third, because of this information, be careful how you help to make sure that you are ACTUALLY helping. Pick your charities and what you ask for carefully, considering many out there don't have good histories regarding impoverished people of color, many out there will use this tragedy as a perfect opportunity for obnoxious moralizing, or are just straight up frauds. There is also guaranteed to be a great deal of "shopping cart" activism (ex: Livestrong braclets, "Save the Ta Tas" t-shirts, etc.) I recommend Doctors Without Borders and Yele. (Thanks to meloukhia, kai_zuky and others for the links via Twitter.)

Its part of being a grownup I guess

2009-12-23T21:40:00.002-05:00

I lost a dear friend on Friday. He had Adult Onset Still's Disease which is a form of arthritis with autoimmune complications. He had been getting extreme treatments recently to try and keep his body from killing itself. He was 23.

I met him when I was 17 and he took to my group of geeky friends like he was born to it. He was smart, and an artist. His musical talent ranged across the board, and if you follow the link above, people are posting pictures and videos all over his Facebook wall of him doing what he does best. He offered to teach me how to knit, and I never took him up on it.

He brought DJ equipment to the reunion of our group (we called ourselves the Spiders From Mars) and rick-rolled all of us when playing Nirvana. He was sweet and loving, and has left many people behind who miss him terribly.

No commentary here, just my way of telling my friend that I miss him, and shouting out his memory into the void.

This isn't the first time I've lost a friend,a dn it won't be the last, but it doesn't hurt less.

I love you Moses.

Not Forgotten.

2009-11-20T17:43:00.003-05:00

Its been a year, and we have come to it again.
Another year, and another list of people who but for the intolerance around us every day, would still be here, still be alive, still have a future.

This year, we remember: Yasmin and Noelia of Honduras, Taysia Elzy and Michael Hunt of Indianapolis, Kátia Otacílio Vilela and Marcela Cairo Souza of Jataí, Brazil, Alexa Rojas Castro of Monterrey, Mexico, Cynthia Nicole of Comayaguela, Honduras, Aline Da Silva Ribeira of Castelfranco Veneto, Italy, Caprice Curry of San Francisco, Rovilson Teixeira of Londrina, Brazil, Minja Kochis of Belgrade, Serbia, "Víctor Manuel" Albor Camacho and "Juan Carlos" Guillén Bautista of Acámbaro, Mexico, Nicole Castillo García of Tarapoto, Perú, Cita Solorzano of Asunción Ixtaltepec, Mexico, Camila Hernández Nieto of Sincelejo, Colombia, Noor Azlan Khamis of Johor Bahru, Johor, Malaysia, Will Teixeira da Silva of Recife, Brazil, "Ailton" Correa Maia, Juliana Martins, Fernanda Botelho, Jenifer, Dara, and Rafaele of Curitiba, Brazil, Cristy of Guatemala-City, Guatemala, Puttalakshmi of Bangalore, India, Camila Pereira of Uberlândia, Brazil, Cris Francisco das Neves of Cabo de Santo Agostinho, Brazil, Vicky Londoño Chavarría of Ibagué, Columbia, Pequeña P of Gualeguaychú, Argentina, Miriam Nunes Lucas of Ribeirão das Neves, Brazil, Guimarães de Lima and "Wanderson Wanderley" Teixeira da Rocha of João Pessoa, Brazil, Kirsi Ubrí, Jeva Padilla, and Ramon Martinez of Santiago, Dominican Republic, "Julio" Avila Albarracín of Mar del Plata, Argentina, Ebru Soykan (aka Dilan Pirinc) and Hadise of Istanbul, Turkey, Adriana Sánchez López of Juchitan, Mexico, Eda Yildirm of Bursa, Turkey, Sasha Estefania of Caracas, Venezuela, Smail L. of Valencia, Spain, Gisela "Roni" Galante of Gualeguaychú, Argentina, Melek K and Cagla of Ankara, Turkey, Jimmy McCollough (aka Image Devereux) of Fayetteville, North Carolina, Carneiro de Sousa of Fortaleza, Brazil, dos Santos of Varzea Grande, Brazil, Diksy Jones of Wellington, New Zealand, Tigresa de Souza Reis of Feira de Santana, Brazil, Xiomaran Duras of Caracas, Venezuela, Foxy Ivy of Detroit, Papucha of La Victoria, Peru, Kelly (Frederick) Watson and Terri Benally of Albuquerque, Tanya Ardón and Catherine of San Salvador, El Salvador, Carla Regina Bento of Sao Paulo, Brazil, Anita Fajardo Ríos of El Carmen, Mexico, Luana of Maceió, Brazil, Kamilla of Volgograd, Russia, Christopher Jermaine Scott of Philadelphia, Cesar Torres of El Paso, Beyonce (Eric) Lee of New Orleans, Kanan of Setapak, Malaysia, Tyli'a Mack (aka NaNa Boo) of Washington DC, Paulina Ibarra of East Hollywood, Kristina Muça of Tirana, Albania, Andrea Waddell of Brighton, UK, Destiny Lauren of London, UK, Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado of Cayey, Puerto Rico, an unidentified victim in Gebze, Turkey, an unidentified victim in Milan, Italty, an unidentified victim in Guayaquil, Ecuador, an unidentified victim in Baltimore, an unidentified victim in Penang, Malaysia, an unidentified victim in Algeria, an unidentified victim in Honduras, nine unidentified victims in Guatemala, fourteen unidentified victims in Brazil, and eighteen unidentified victims in Venezuela, and all the other trans women and men around the world who lost their lives to transphobia this year, whose faces we never saw and names we never heard, because they were living on the margins of societies who did not respect nor want them.

And Melissa at Shakesville makes the excellent point that today we should remember all of the trans people who died not just because of violence, but because of apathetic inaction and active discrimination.

I remember all of you today, and keep your memories close to my heart. No one deserves to be forgotten.

I distinctly remember explaining this before.

2009-11-14T10:49:00.000-05:00

Maybe I will get less shit from people if I throw this at them.

Lack of exercise not to blame for teen obesity?
Study: Physical activity levels unchanged in 20 years while kids got heavier
Most American teenagers are not as active as they should be but a lack of exercise does not seem to be to blame for the rising rates of teen obesity, according to a U.S. study.

Researchers, using government survey data from 1991 and 2007, found the amount of physical activity among U.S. teens has not in fact changed significantly over the past two decades while the population, including children, has got heavier.

Maybe the next time I have a doctor tell me that I'm lying about my exercise rate because I'm still fat, I can point this out to them.

A girl can dream, right?

This is hardly a surprise

2009-11-13T10:15:00.004-05:00

As the title here suggests, I am not in the least bit surprised that the Republican National Committee's health insurance plan covers abortions. I am not surprised for two reasons.

Number 1, most US insurance plans cover abortions because it is part of providing comprehensive health care to cis-women. It is a needed procedure, not to mention a legal one that is part of having a right to control ones own body, which applies to so much more than just abortion.

Number 2, because throughout my time of being aware of the heated anger over debating abortion, I have noticed that a good deal of those who opposed women having the right to choose suddenly support it when it is their daughter, or themselves that need the procedure. And its because underneath all of that moralizing, it comes down to thinking that some women don't deserve to have a choice. It isn't about "teh poor widdle baybeeez" cause if it was, these same fucknecks would support social programs that allow women who couldn't afford an abortion, or who swallowed their morality hook but don't have the resources to raise a child to be able to do so. (And before anyone starts whinging about "welfare queens," try being on welfare. It enables you to eat, and if you are lucky it helps you pay for a place to live. "Welfare queens" are a racist, Regan-era myth.)

Since this story broke, the RNC has stated that they are re-assessing their current insurance plan. I find it slightly ironic that if their little Stupak bomb does what they want and kills health care reform, they are going to be limited to about 15% of the insurance companies out there who actively do not cover abortions. Because even with all of the asshole things that insurance companies do, they still recognize that abortion is an important part of cis-women's health care. When there are insurance companies with a better handle on reality than you, well, I don't need to point out what that says about you.

It still doesn't make this expectation on the "liberal"/"progressive" side that cis-women will take yet another one for the team here any better, but it does make me chuckle evilly. Because I'm a bitch like that.

I hate that I'm associated with you.

2009-10-10T10:49:00.000-04:00

So here I was on Tumblr, minding my own business, looking at crochet posts when I came across this little jem:

Palestinian women crochet kippot for Israeli Jews

Reuters has uncovered the fact, well-known in Israel, that many kippot (skullcaps) worn by religious Israelis are crocheted by Palestinian women.

Now, this surprises me in the way of not at all, despite the fact that I was not aware of it previously. How else is a group with no option of an open economy supposed to make money but by servicing those who keep their economy limited. At this point in the article, I'm just sorta waiting to see where it is going, since the opening is fairly inconspicuous.

Almost every house in the village of 3,000 west of Ramallah makes the little caps. It's a social event as well as a helpful cash-earner. Women bring their wool and needles to each other's home to crochet and chat.

"We make qors (the Arab name for kippah translates as 'disc') while having a gossip," said Umm Ali. "We meet each other and we make money at the same time," added the mother of three, whose husband is unemployed...

So here, I start getting a little leery. "Helpful-cash earner" sounds a bit cheerful considering the alternatives. I'm not sure if its the passive language that brings to mind discussions of women's activities from a Jane Austen novel, or the slightly patronizing "what fascinating things these quaint people do!" tone that bothers me more.

Six Palestinian skullcap dealers distribute the wool, needles and the models to women in this village and 10 neighbouring villages.

The finished articles are collected each week and shipped to Israeli retailers. The skullcaps are also exported to the United States.

The women of Deir Abu Meshal, known for its traditional dress embroidery, say that to them it's merely a business.

They say they have no qualms about furnishing skullcaps for the people of the occupying power or the Jewish settler, who may be living on Palestinian land.

They say the work is convenient: they don't have to travel.

"Without this knitting business, people here would be very poor," said Nema Khamis, 50, who passed on her skills to her five daughters and daughter-in-law.

Okay, still not doing too badly. We have the admission that conditions are hard enough that without this work these women and their families would be much worse off. There still is a great deal of context that is being glossed over, but it is a short article, so to one degree we can forgive that.

Then this:

A great example of economic cooperation which benefits all sides. Most impressive: these women claim to make five kippot a day, each. Now that is speed. The only kippot I've ever made, as a teenager, took me months. It's a wonder they have any time to bring up children.....

So much here...so little patience...or bile with which to puke. "Economic cooperation"? "Benefits all sides"!? Lets get one thing straight, just because it doesn't actively make a bad situation worse, this DOES NOT make it a benefit, okay? And "cooperation" would imply that these women get something beyond bare necessities from the work they do. And what the fuck is up with this "these women claim" shit? They have been doing this out of necessity for decades. Get that? DECADES. This is in no way equivalent to your little "crafty phase" at fifteen! It took you months because you had the privilege of not having to learn how to work for a living until you were almost an adult! When these women were fifteen they had already been learning how to do this for, most likely, at least five years. I would also shitcan that condescending "its a wonder they have time to raise children" crap. You gotta feed them if there is ever a hope of raising them.

I hate this. I hate this entitled attitude that thinks itself so worldy and I hate hearing it come from people who think they understand suffering because they participate in a seder every year, or their Grandmother remembers the Holocaust. Here's a tip, your Grandmother or Great Grandmother who remembers the Holocaust? They understand. You never will, and vicarious experiences do not mean that you have any concept of what it is like to live in perpetual imposed poverty.

At best, this author is simply woefully ignorant of the reality of what poverty in a place like the West Bank means. At worst she is dealing backhanded jabs at people who are fucking being EXPLOITED. And I used that word deliberately. When your choices are "do this or watch your family starve" then you don't have much of a choice. Its exploiting their poverty, and exploiting their position after being the ones who helped create it and maintain it.

Like a breath of fresh air

2009-10-09T16:01:00.002-04:00

I cried. I did. I have gotten so used to hearing bullshit after bullshit after bullshit about this, and hearing someone call this bullshit out for what it is just hit me right in my heart.
Rep. Alan Grayson calling out both Democrats and Republicans on the health care debate(Transcript below the video):

"Madame Speaker, I have words for Democrats and Republicans tonight."

"Let's start with the Democrats"

"We as a party have spent the last six months, the greatest minds in our party, dwelling on the question, the unbelievably consuming question of how to get Olympia Snowe to vote on health care reform. I want to remind us all that Olympia Snowe was not elected President last year. Olympia Snowe has no veto power in the Senate. Olympia Snowe represents a state with one half of one percent of America's population."

"What America wants is health care reform. America doesn't care if it gets 51 votes in the Senate or 60 votes in the Senate or 83 votes in the Senate, in fact America doesn't even care about that, it doesn't care about that at all. What America cares about is this; there are over 1 million Americans who go broke every single year trying to pay their health care bills. America cares a lot about that. America cares about the fact that there are 44,780 Americans who die every single year on account of not having health care, that's 122 every day. America sure cares a lot about that. America cares about the fact that if you have a pre-existing condition, even if you have health insurance, it's not covered. America cares about that a lot. America cares about the fact that you can get all the health care you need as long as you don't need any. America cares about that a lot. But America does not care about procedures, processes, personalities, America doesn't care about that at all."

"So we have to remember that as Democrats, we have to remember that what's at stake here is life and death, enormous amounts of money, and people are counting upon us to move ahead. America understands what's good for America. America cares about health care, America cares about jobs, America cares about education, about energy independence, America does not care about processes politicians or personalities or anything like that."

"And I have a few words for my Republican friends tonight as well. I guess I do have some Republican friends."

"Let me say this; last week I held up this report here and I pointed out that in America there are 44,789 Americans that die every year according to this Harvard report published in this peer reviewed journal because they have no health insurance. That's an extra 44,789 Americans who die who's lives could be saved, and their response was to ask me for an apology."

"To ask me for an apology?"

"That's right. To ask ME for an apology!"

"Well, I'm telling you this; I will not apologize. I will not apologize. I will not apologize for a simple reason; America doesn't care about your feelings. I violated no rules by pulling this report to America's attention, I think a lot of people didn't know about it beforehand. But America DOES care about health care in America."

"And if you're against it, then get out of the way. Just get out of the way. You can lead, you can follow or you can get out of the way. And I'm telling you now to get out of the way."
"American understands that there is one party in this country that is favor of health care reform and one party that is against it, and they know why."

"They understand that if Barack Obama were somehow able to cure hunger in the world the Republicans would blame him for overpopulation"

"They understand that if Barack Obama could somehow bring about world peace they would blame him for destroying the defense industry."

"In fact, they understand that if Barack Obama has a BLT sandwich tomorrow for lunch, they will try to ban bacon."

"But that's not what America wants, America wants solutions to it's problems and that begins with health care, and that's what I'm speaking for tonight."

"I yield back the balance of my time"

Important Thinky Thoughts

2009-09-27T06:19:00.000-04:00

So, I have hit a bit of a wall. I have begun narrowing down my group of activists and perspectives that fit what I agree with. This has left me with a group of people who I respect and who have perspectives that I value. There is a recurring theme within this group. They are largely trans women, women of color, people with disabilities and various combinations of each.

One thing that is very common is a rejection of feminism, not for the same reasons that many antifeminists do either. This rejection comes from the fact that feminists have and continue to engage in oppressive behaviors towards these groups and ignore the intersections which affect these people the most. And when called on it, a great deal of feminists will get pissed at the person telling them "hey, you are standing on my neck!" instead of examining their praxis, or their groups ideas to see if they are truly exclusionary. Then the whole thing turns into accusations of personal attacks and nothing ever gets DONE.

I think the problem is in labeling ourselves as feminists. We end up making it a part of our identity instead of a tool to help us achieve our aims. I don't know about you, but my aim is to end oppression, and I focus on oppression based on gender. Hence why I use feminism as my major tool. That is the only way that an anti-oppression ideology can work, in my view. It must be a tool.

There is a danger in making an identity out of an ideology. It leads to fighting about identities instead of discussing actions. It prevents us from being able to critically examine our theories and praxis and revise them when necessary. It renders our ideology and our actions insufficient, impotent and infertile because we end up missing the needs of those who truly need to be helped.

I'm considering eventually dropping the identification of feminist and instead becoming someone who uses feminism as a tool. I'm not sure I want a word for that...

Fuck Godwin's, I'm Pissed

2009-09-26T13:24:00.003-04:00

Just a note to the entire fucking world.

Lets talk about appropriation. Specifically the appropriation of suffering. More specifically the appropriation of specific events that don't affect you personally as a code word for some other considerably lesser things that has upset you.

A good example you be comparing anything that isn't rape to rape. Example: "The IRS really raped me this year." Paying your taxes=/=not rape.

The example that I would like to specifically address though, is comparing anything to Nazis, Hitler or the Holocaust that has no direct ties to any of these things. Someone saying something that you don't like or disagree with IS IN NO FUCKING WAY LIKE NAZI GERMANY. Using this a silencing tactic against those you have societal power over, that is an asshole thing to do.

How dare you take this incredible tragedy that my family and other have experienced and use it against oppressed people, or anyone for that matter, as a silencing weapon. Do you have any idea what it is like to live with the knowledge that you could not ever have existed simply because of who you are? I don't think you do. Until the day that you look at a picture of someone who looks almost exactly like you or your sibling, or your parent, and you look at the little piece of paper telling you which camp they were sent to and when they died and what number was tattooed on their fucking arm, you don't fucking know. Until you feel the weight of "that could have been me," then you don't fucking know. Until you realize that you live in a world that for the most part considers people who would rather see you dead than share oxygen with you and these same people are considered the "reasonable" side, YOU WILL NEVER FUCKING KNOW. Until you have to adjust to living your life each day knowing that this could be your last day because your very existence threatens someones fragile ego, and a jury of THEIR peers think that protection of that ego makes murdering you a reasonable reaction, YOU WILL NEVER FUCKING KNOW.

Comparing an anything to that event that is not also genocide and/or the systematic destruction of several groups of people, many of whom are still facing oppression world-wide and making this comparison as a person of privilege makes you some of the scummiest scum that ever did scum. It trivializes the suffering of millions of people for the sake of your pwecious fucking ego. And just know that this gender-queer, Jewish dyke does not approve and will verbally force you to eat your pwecious ego. Without sauce.

Caroline Ann? This is for you and your fake-ass "apology"

Get out of your own way please

2009-09-02T15:40:00.004-04:00

Have you heard? Apparently institutional sexism, gender stereotyping, and social pressure NO LONGER MATTER! WHEEEEEEEEE! Glass ceilings only exist because we obey them! USA! HOPE! CHANGE! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ::spins frantically and falls down::

According to Rachel Simmons, author of a new book about how oppression is totes the fault of the oppressed, we ladies are just "pressuring ourselves" to fit the mold of "good girl." The article writer PROVE IT with her RIVETING ANECDOTES!

The book's author and the article writer almost get it, but then back right down. Girls and women face particular pressures that are contradictory, so its our fault that we don't succeed? WHAT? To a point, yes, we all have to take a certain amount of responsibility for the choices we make in our lives, but if we brush off the pressures of society and how that influences our choices and the consequences of those choices then we are not actually going to see a change in the structures that continue these situations.

There was also the delicious irony of the ads on the page while I was reading the article. Particularly the Accuquote life insurance ad:

(If you can't see/read it, the ad is a picture of a little girl, bent over a grave that says "FATHER" on it, and the copy reads: "If you died today, who would take care of your family?")

The irony is almost enough to make my head explode.

More on Health Care...now with added racism!

2009-08-14T10:39:00.001-04:00

As lifted from Monica at Transgriot

I'm more than disgusted and tired of this vanilla flavored meme popping up in our national discourse. There are 300 plus million people who call themselves Americans and we ain't all White. We pay taxes, serve in its military, and have done more than our share to help this country grow and prosper. Get used to the fact that we voted on November 4 to take this country in a different direction. It's past time that our policy desires and priorities are pushed with our tax dollars as well and are front and center in the national discourse.

We were more than a little pissed when you people were in control and fracking the country up that we spent 8 years painstakingly cleaning up from the Reagan-Daddy Bush years. Now that President Obama is cleaning up Junior's mess you conservatives are all of a sudden 'concerned about the deficit'.

At least this man is tackling the problems you peeps refused to deal with. What's making you even more upset is that it's your worst nightmare, an intelligent Ivy league educated Black man with his summa cum laude Princeton educated wife that's succeeding.

So keep crying those crocodile tears lamenting the America you lost. Good riddance to that Jim Crow ridden America and welcome to the 21st century.

If you want to be pissed at somebody, aim it at the conservatives who look like you and bamboozled you into repeatedly voting against your own economic interests in the first place.

On Health Care

2009-08-13T10:56:00.000-04:00

via thecurvature

katoleary:

hortenseg:

When I was 22 years old, I was very, very sick.

My insurance company, the one my father had worked for for 20+ years, mind you, refused to cover my intensive inpatient treatment for anorexia nervosa b/c they felt, after I had eaten my breakfasts for 5 days in a row, that I was cured. Never mind that my heart rate was 43bpm, or that my mind was completely gone, or that anorexia happens to be the psychiatric disorder with the highest mortality rate: they felt that I could do just fine at a half-day program which consisted of two meals and no medical care, or with a stay at the state psych ward for a week or so, which, not to get all Wurtzel on you guys, is basically a motel for crazies, where people struggling with everything from bipolar disorder to schizophrenia to suicidal ideation are thrown together in a big room to sit around, watch television, take their medication, and not kill themselves.

My parents, afraid that I was going to, you know, DIE, put me in the state hospital for medical monitoring purposes, as my vitals were quite bad, and my mental state wasn’t much better. I had a phone interview with an inpatient facility in Tulsa, Oklahoma that specialized in eating disorder treatment—one of the best in the country, for the worst cases, and halfway through my interview, a psych tech hung up the phone, saying, “It’s quiet time now.” When I cried about it in my room, another psych tech came in and told me to “stop whining.” Really top-notch care for the mentally ill in the USA.

Tulsa had a bed ready for me the next day.

Trouble with Tulsa was, my insurance company refused to cover it, on two grounds:

1. It was out-of-state, and why would I need to go to a hospital that specialized in eating disorders, the illness that was KILLING ME, when I could stay at the Cuckoo’s Nest and get yelled at by techs with no training in ED treatment (or humanity) for a few weeks?

2. They did not consider anorexia to be a “real” illness. It was, in the eyes of the insurance companies (and in the eyes of many in this country who have not experienced/do not understand mental illness) a matter of willpower: I was just another girl who wouldn’t eat her damn dinner. All she has to do is eat! She’ll be fine. And all the schizophrenic has to do is stop seeing things! And all the bipolar person has to do is stop cycling! You know! Real easy shit.

But my parents, knowing better, sent me anyway. I don’t come from money. My parents don’t come from money. I don’t know how they got it. They refuse to talk about it, still. If there is one thing that motivates me to stay in recovery (almost six years!) it’s that I know they sacrificed A LOT to get me there. I talk about my parents a lot. It is because they are my best friends. They saved my life. I believe they were helped out by family members, old friends, etc. I guess my parents should move to Russia, or something, what with accepting help from neighbors and friends to pay the damn medical bills.

At the hospital I saw women have to leave early, saw them disconnect the tubes, saw them pack their bags, sick sick sick, and walk out the door, because the insurance companies stopped paying. So to the “Leave my Aetna alone!” crazies, I’d like to say: your insurance company doesn’t give a fucking shit about you. AT ALL. You are nothing but a number on a claim form, and if you ever get sick, or if your kids get sick, and I mean SICK SICK HOSPITAL SICK, you are fucked. Because they will only care so much before they decide you are on your own. And then, I suppose, you’ll start looking around, wondering who is going to help you.

And then, I suspect, you will show up to rallies with a very different message on your signs.

Ethnicity Crisis Part 2: Make Me a Matchless Match

2009-08-12T10:35:00.001-04:00

(read Part 1 here)

So, when we left off, my burgeoning, two-decades-in-the-making- Jewish identity was languishing in the back of my mental dresser drawer as that one piece of clothing that you never wear but can't get rid of for fear of hurting the people who gave it to you, because you know what went in to making it and just casting it away turns the guilt up to eleven, because you may want to wear it someday, but just not now, the colors are all wrong, it doesn't fit your style, what it means to wear it is a fact that you aren't ready to face.

I backlashed against this rising awareness of where I came from and what that meant in relation to my place in the global hierarchy by diving head first into pro-Palestine and anti-occupation political stances. I dove so deeply, so quickly, that for a long time, all I could do was criticize Israel. I did so relentlessly, zealously, and very, very harshly. I still do in many ways, in the same way that I criticize my own government for actions they take in my name that I don't support, though I think I was and am tougher on Israel in general. This is not to say that my criticism does not have value on its own merits. I was careful to be very academic about my critique, the problem was how I tied that critique to my own identity and my own self-worth. The critique was personal as well as political. I desperately buried my sweater under a pile of slogan bearing t-shirts and hoped no one would notice it.

I spent years doing this. Years getting into fights with family members about the occupation, years insulting Israeli politicians and arguing in university classrooms about Israeli military actions, years rejecting Israel as a part of me, as I wanted no part in the subjugation of others. Somewhere in this process, I began seeing more Antisemitism, and I stepped up my rejection and criticism of Israel as a shield from receiving that same bigotry, while quietly rankling at it. Every once in a while I would mention my sweater, the fact that I had one at least, just to keep the conversation on track. The more I mentioned it, the more it grew on me. Just its presence in my mental wardrobe (yes, I will be beating the crap out of this analogy) made aspects of this part of myself harder to ignore in the world around me. Others noticed it too. I kept encountering random people who wanted to talk about my Jewishness.

I started toying with the idea of learning Hebrew, and edging towards wanting to get to know that part of me. I had been really attracted to Islam when I first started studying the Middle East, and had come to the conclusion that conversion was not for me. I wasn't interested in the whole "God" thing...what I wanted was the community. The concept of "ummah" appealed to the part of me that fell in love with the musical "Hair" at 16 and realized that what was missing from my life was a sense of responsibility and support both to and from a community of my choosing. Even with that draw...it felt wrong. Like I was romanticizing this concept from a position of privilege. This all came down around the same time that I started helping to moderate an anti-racism livejournal community, and snapped together in a discussion of appropriation and spirituality. I had my own ethnic traditions to draw on for these things. Did I really need to co-opt someone else's? Especially if it was not the precepts of faith that I was interested in?

In this same space of time, I got married. It was a non-denominational event seeing as I'm fairly agnostic, and my spouse is fairly atheist. It was also a sudden elopement that my parents happened to be around for. My mother, upon being informed of what we were about to do, whipped off her tye-dye shawl and conscripted my family and the friends that were there, along with random passers-by (we were at a folk festival) to hold it above us as we said our vows and then gave it to us as our khuppa (canopy designed to represent that we will always have a home/roof with God...I think...I could be wrong about that interpretation.) My spouse loved it. I understood what the gesture meant to my mother, and appreciated it in my own way.

My spouse has since been drawn in fairly close to the Jewish side of my family, and has even expressed an interest in raising any children we may have with Jewish traditions.

So, basically all I'm getting to in this entirely-too-long-and-navel-related post is attempting to bring across the tension around this for me.

Eventually, something had to give.

To Be Continued...

Ethnicity Crisis Part 1: Tradition!

2009-08-11T11:50:00.000-04:00

I have been having a bit of a crisis the last year or so. This is going to be long, so I might split it up into parts.

Some background:

My father is from a mostly Greek family. My mother is from a mostly Polish/German/French family. Dad's family is Greek Orthodox Catholic. Mom's was raised Jewish. My parents are both second generation American. As far as cultural/ethnic background, they made sure we knew where our genes were from (more than the above list, but I'll spare you the complex details of my family tree) and that was pretty much it. As far as religious training, well...both of my parents walked away from the faith of their families at fairly young ages. My dad declined his confirmation as a teen. My mother is the only child in her family to not have a Bat Mitzvah. They raised us fairly agnostically, with one caveat. We did the major Jewish holidays because my paternal grandmother made my parents promise to raise us in the Jewish faith due to how the Catholic church treated her for getting divorced when my grandfather abandoned her with six kids.

So I grew up doing Seders and lighting Channuka candles, but it was something done as an addendum to the bigger, flashier, heavily marketed holidays. We would open Easter baskets after Seder, or celebrate only one night of Channuka and combine it with a Christmas tree trimming party. The other holidays were celebrated with dinner at Grandmom's but without any context of what those holidays meant.

My mom gave me the choice between Hebrew school and dance classes as a kid. I wanted to be a ballerina, and I had no reason to learn another language, so I chose dance classes. I preferred "A Chorus Line" over "Fiddler on the Roof" even though I could sing the entire score from both.

My peers at school were aware of my Jewish heritage, but since I wasn't actively participating in the culture or the community, I couldn't bond with them over it. I couldn't bond with the non-Jew kids either. Agnostic childhood kind of leaves you floating...you aren't being swept into a community you may not want with responsibilities that you don't understand before you are of an age to reason, but at the same time you are watching your friends have milestones that you can't share. It was during my years in elementary and middle school that I experienced anti-Semitism directed at me for the first time, but I did not have the critical consciousness to name it as such. I learned to joke about my heritage without ever feeling a deep connection to it.

I dabbled in radical atheism, and in paganism. I found a spiritually comfortable midpoint that is not one or the other, though I still can't find anything that makes me comfortable with the idea of a deity.

I have gone to the Holocaust museum in DC. I have seen the paperwork, written in German, that recorded the fate of the members of my family who did not manage to make it out of Europe in time. I felt a stirring, a deep sadness, but at the same time, it was not a sadness that differed from how I felt about any of the hundreds of injustices that I fought against in my life. It saddened me, hurt me deeply that people could do this to other people, but I never associated it with my self. I never associated these events with me, no matter how many times I cried at the end of "The Devil's Arithmetic" or "Number the Stars" or how worn my copy of "All-of-a-kind Family" got.

In college I decided to study the Middle East. I was prompted by a gut feeling during the "discussion" surrounding 9/11 that all this talk, about Arabs and Islam and how "they" hate us because their culture/religion says to, was false. this led to studying Israel and Palestine, and the sudden realization that, when the Israeli gov't talks about benefiting Jews everywhere, they meant me, and when anti-Israel groups talked about the "vast Zionist conspiracy," they were also talking about me...

I started seeing a connection coming from me to that place on the other side of the planet that everyone in the US is always fretting about, but often with talking points from pundits that bear little to no resemblance to any fact I have ever seen as the basis of their fretting.

I suddenly felt my ethnic Jew-ness for the first time. It settled around me like a hand-me-down sweater that doesn't quite fit, is too heavy, has a pattern that is unpopular to the point of encouraging anger and/or ridicule and is shaped like someone else from years of wear. And I reacted in a way that anyone who has dealt with kids will be familiar with.

I stuffed the sweater into the back of my mental dresser drawer, behind my rainbow hot-pants, my boho skirts and my t-shirts with radical, liberal political slogans and symbols, and tried to pretend that it wasn't there. The problem was...its one of those big, floofy knit things that takes up three times its actual area when folded, and every time I opened the drawer, it had taken up a bit more space...

To be continued...

I liked this...

2009-08-09T22:37:00.001-04:00

The Longest Way 1.0 - one year walk/beard grow time lapse from Christoph Rehage on Vimeo.

This made me happy enough to cry

2009-08-09T17:49:00.003-04:00

Mama Cass Eliot, an incredibly talented woman who defines the term "musical gift" on many levels...

And all I knew about her until I was in my 20's was that she died because she was a gluttonous fatty who couldn't lay off the pork products and that this was supposedly funny, when it was probably yo-yo dieting that was responsible for her heart giving out.

I only hope I can ever be this freaking fabulous.

Broken Pedestals

2009-08-04T12:38:00.004-04:00

My parents are kind of awesome. Not always, I mean, they are human and have flaws, but as far as humans in general go, they are fairly awesome ones.

My mom is a pilates instructor/stage manager and my dad is a musician/nurse/midwife-in-training/chef. they are fairly liberal types, who raised me pro-choice and anti-war. I went to my first peace rally in first grade. My parents book collection included anthologies on anti-racism, rape activism and civil rights. They taught me that when something is wrong, you fight to fix it, even if its bigger than you.

I thought they taught me to be who I am. (Turns out I was wrong about that, apparently I have always been like this)

In the last few years, I have been noticing that my opinions, my arguments, my perspectives, fall distinctly to the left of my parents. I found myself having to debunk basic myths about sexism, racism, homophobia, and these days transphobia with them. I haven't even tried ableism, classism, or fat-phobia, yet. I simply don't have the energy.

It started when I came out to them. My mother always claims to be creating a safe space for me to just be myself in, but as soon as that self crossed her comfort lines it became a problem. My dad was worse, in that he couldn't even joke about it with me except to sweep it under the rug or pretend it didn't exist.

It has come to a head recently, specifically surrounding my partner and hir gender identity. We decided as a couple to tell my parents that we were working towards a potential transition for hir. My mother not only refused to change pronouns (which is fine for the most part as my spouse does not currently have a preference from people who know hir as a male) but accused me of being "obsessed" with my spouse's transition because I do use female pronouns. My father only had one thing to say: "As long as he's a tripod, he's a man." And more recently, my dad sent me this video: "8 Miles Wide" (NSFW also your hilarious earworm for the day. you're welcome.) The chorus? "My vagina is 8 miles wide..." So I jokingly asked my dad if his vagina was indeed 8 miles wide. He couldn't even joke about having a vagina.

That was pretty shattering. i thought I was applying principles that they instilled in me. principles of respect, and acceptance. It was, and still is, shocking to me that my parents, the people who raised me to be an activist, would be unable to move past this essentialist block of genitalia defining your gender. It is especially shocking that the man who I credit for teaching me the principles that lead to my feminism buys into the societal desire to perform masculinity and even joking about having a vagina means he needs to assert that hes a MAN! Really! He has man parts and everything!

Ignorance really is bliss...

Hypocrisy Makes My Teeth Itch

2009-08-03T12:37:00.001-04:00

I originally heard this story from my roomie, and I blocked it out for the most part because, really, who can spend every fucking day hearing about awful things happening to other people? Yeah, I could have come and put a post up here saying: "This was an awful, awful thing that happened, and that makes me sad/angry/tired," but there are six million posts like that every time a story like this hits the blogosphere, and lately I have been big on not speaking unless I have something to say.

It wasn't until I started seeing the ripples around the blogroll that I realized I did have something to say...

I am officially uncomfortable with the way this story is being presented. I think that with a few exceptions, its being framed problematically at best.

It starts with the police reporting that they have removed an 8yr old Liberian rape victim from her family because her family views her status as "raped" as a shame on them. Then there are the echoes of "down with victim blaming!" and "how could a family do that?" in the blogosphere, echoes which take the police accusations at face value as soon as they hear where the girl's family is from. The more diplomatic places talk about how victim blaming is bad no matter where it comes from, but there is still that assumption that the initial domino was pushed over in good faith. No second thoughts about how maybe this bears deeper investigation considering the rampant xenophobia, racism and Islamophobia in this country. Nope, the police are totes trustworthy in matters of race and cultural honesty. they would never, ever do something based completely on stereotypes!

::steps up to podium, clears throat::

ROFLMAO

::steps back::

Now, this happened in the Southwest, so some could say that it isn't exactly a bastion of liberal thought. However, the place that supposedly is this countries such bastion is centered around places like Boston and Cambridge, and look at the shit that has gone down with their law enforcement and race relations lately.

And even if she is in danger from her family because of what these boys did to her, victim blaming, shaming and mistreatment of rape victims is a global problem (not necessarily universal, but I don't have any specific examples where it is not present,) it crosses cultures, religions, races, and traditions. Acting like this case is something particularly egregious when it happens Every Damn Day is playing into the "Western World = more advanced" meme and the inherently racist "its their culture!" meme.

Its OUR culture. We are all immersed in it, and we are ALL responsible for ending it.

A thoughtful moment...

2009-07-31T21:29:00.003-04:00

Subject: Dyeing hair while (mildly) intoxicated...

On one hand, it was fun.

On another, I seemed to have developed a blind spot for my roots and missed them all together, giving me a not-so-flattering calico look.

But in the end, making my shower look like an abattoir (because I so rarely get to use that word, like oubliette. Awesome word, oubliette, from the French verb meaning "to forget") makes the entire situation kind of a win. And I get to be a bottle ginger again for a bit.

Now if I can just con someone into buying me some red Manic Panic and helping me do my roots...

You Tell Me What's Real

2009-07-31T11:15:00.000-04:00

Twitter has destroyed my life.

I just want to clarify that.

Thanks to @knitmeapony, I was directed to this:

19 Amazing Acts of Death Defiance

In reading it, I found this:

I thought it was a joke -Not to Annie Taylor it wasn’t. In 1901 Annie [sic]Tayler was the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel and survive. She expected fame and fortune, but as it turned out, no one at the time really cared. Sadly, she ended up dying in poverty. Although she made the journey with little injury and few accolades, Annie will still go down as the first person to ride the barrel at Niagara. (source)

17 of the 19 feats were done by men who were given recognition, records, a place in history for what they did. The 19th feat was a male/female duo.

It did not escape me that the single feat completed by a woman by herself was the only one that garnered nothing positive for the feat completer. The initial article I read didn't even spell her name right within two sentences! The only person I knew who knew about Annie Taylor had heard the story framed in such a way to paint Annie as suicidal, and her survival miraculous, instead of an intentional, planned action. I have also heard that story before, and it conveniently leaves out her name, and shoe-horned her into the the "women are irrational and crazy!" meme.

There is a larger point to my ranting about a seemingly trivial historical detail.
Whenever someone asks why we need a Women and Gender Studies department at a university, whenever someone complains about there being a group of people devoted specifically to examining history through female-centric lenses, whenever I hear someone claiming that "...men are naturally just better than women, or else why would all the great artists/chefs/architects/scientists/explorers/nose pickers all be men?" I am inclined to point to something like this. Its true, it is not a coincidence that the recognized "greats" are men, because when women do something, their contribution is automatically filtered through these concepts that women are inferior, and anything done on their own is attributed to anyone except them. Their own words are obscured under this huge weight of what they signify culturally instead of who they are.

The "great" men in our history are so because they were seen as individuals able to accomplish things independently, but women are seen only as what we symbolize, so our accomplishments are either attributed to anyone/thing besides us, or to our entire gender, and even our motivations are taken from us by a hierarchy that thrives through destroying our certainty, and making us doubt our own lived realities.

GUEST POST: Mystify People With Your Intelligence...If You Can't Do That, Mystify Them With Your Bullshit

2009-07-28T21:25:00.004-04:00

{Ed. Note: Today, I am proud to feature this guest post by my dear friend and sister Amichandrn, who originally posted this at her place. The title comes from her very apt icon on that same post, the original was untitled.}

I am a little bit irritated. Ok, more than a little bit irritated. I opened up AOL only to be greeted with "Obama's Pick Caused Debate: New Surgeon General Has Spotless Record: Should Her Weight Matter?"

Guess what, douchebags. No, it should not.

Regina Benjamin is a patient advocate. She started a public health clinic where she treats EVERYONE, regardless of ability to pay, and still holds the position of CEO of this clinic. She was an associate dean for the University of South Alabama's medical college. She was the FIRST black woman to become president of a state medical society, as well as the first person under 40 to be appointed to the board of the American Medical Association. She's also received a MacArthur Foundation "genius grant" and a Nelson Mandela Award for Health and Human Rights. When her clinic wasn't making money, she did not take her salary. She has mortgaged her home and maxed out her credit cards to ensure that everyone who needs services in her town can get them. This is a woman who truly cares about her patients.

She also is trained and experienced in the field of medicine. According to Newsweek, "Most previous surgeons general have come from either government or academia."

Benjamin received a B.S. from Xavier University of Louisiana in 1979. She attended Morehouse School of Medicine and received then received an M.D. in 1984 from the University of Alabama at Birmingham. She completed her residency in family practice at the Medical Center of Central Georgia, and has worked in ERs and nursing homes in her years of practicing medicine.

Oh, and let's not forget that pesky Masters degree she got in Business Administration in 1991 from Tulane University.

Take a look at her profile. I'll wait.

Ok, So why would people not want this, not just a woman, but a PERSON who has accomplished so much, to be the Surgeon General?

So far, the issues has been weight and to a seemingly lesser extent, race. (The race issue is usually associated with "OMG, OBAMA CHOSE ANOTHER MINORITY!!!!") However, I am not addressing the race issue here, as the weight issue is really what's bothering me.

In the comments sections of various reports, comments have been left by the dozens, claiming that Benjamin is NOT fit to serve as surgeon general because of her weight.

Here are some lovely examples, placed under a cut, as they may be triggers:{Ed. Note: as the cut function does not work so much here, consider this a trigger warning for egregious fatphobia}

Rather than select a fat Black woman Obama should have chose a Black woman with a body mass index of 25 or less. ~ Kevin25

I'm a pediatrician. One of the greatest health threats in our population is obesity. Now we have an obese Surgeon General as a role model. How is she to impact the nation's health if she can't even take care of herself? ~ ctg312

And you just thought that Bob's Big Boy did not have an adopted sister! Man Bob's could not buy this kind of publicity ~ KBlit

Did I see Goodyear painted on her sides. ~ affirmativeactionpresident

she certainly looks overweight..if obama wants to replace health care in the country, i think he should have picked someone who does not appear to be on the verge of a heart attack/stroke and/or diabetes due to life style choices... ~ w04equals666

Then there's my personal favorite “I refuse to let fat be socially acceptable … The President should have known better and picked a doctor who could kick start the debate on fat not perpetuate it,”

Ok, lets get some things straight.

1) The BMI is a guideline, and honestly, must be taken with a HUGE heap of salt. It was created in the 1950s using white middle-aged men from the suburbs as their sample. They never looked at women. They never looked at other races or ethnicities. The statistics were adjusted slightly in the 70s, but really? Not all that accurate.

2) Obesity does not CAUSE heart disease or diabetes. It could be a symptom of an underlying cause (Cushings, Thyroid issues), but it is not a cause, nor is an immediate indicator of a problem. For all we know, it could be that heart disease causes obesity. An example of this would be: A person has heart disease. His heart works harder and as such, he gets tired more easily, so he exercises less, causing him to gain weight. These studies that get thrown at us are correlational studies. They show that two things are likely to be associated, but they do NOT show causation. Do your research.

3) Fat people who like themselves are not in denial. We genuinely do like ourselves. It's a hell of a lot easier than hating ourselves for something most of us can't change on a grand scale.

4) Fat is necessary. We need it to used certain vitamins, as well as for brain function and development. So when you give your one-year old skim milk of soy milk because it's "Less Fattening," guess what? You just hindered them a bit more.

5) Repeated dieting is more likely to cause heart disease than being obese.

And here's a news flash for these people:

I'm obese. I always have been. I'm also healthy. My blood pressure is normal. My blood sugar is perfect. I hate cake, cookies, ice cream and most candy. I don't eat potato chips. I prefer fruit and fruit sorbet to all other desserts. I rarely drink regular soda. I exercise. I'm smart. I'm funny. I like to dance. I have a first kyu brown belt in karate. I took Tae Kwon Do. I liked to tumble when I was in high school, back when I had time. And I like myself. So where do I fit in your schema of obesity?

People assume that obesity has an ingrained link to lack of self-control, eating nothing but junk or stupidity. I want to see these studies, because my research has shown none of this.

In the end, I honestly believe the Regina Benjamin is the best choice for the position. She is well-trained, intelligent, educated, and caring. She is someone who will put the health of the American people first. Her weight is a non-issue. People who are criticizing her for her weight really need to take a look at themselves, because there's something there that they don't like that they need to deal with first.

Women as property: Part #195,678,957,231,880

2009-07-27T14:13:00.000-04:00

This story has been making the rounds, (and I am going to quote extensively, as this story is worth getting as much detail as possible):

An Ohio lawmaker has re-introduced legislation that would include a father's rights in the abortion decision-making process. Under Roe v. Wade, fathers are left out of the equation when a woman considers whether or not to have an abortion that would end the life of their child.

Rep. John Adams, a Republican from Sidney, wants to change that and the legislation he introduced today, House Bill 252, would require the biological father's consent before an abortion can be done.

The bill would apply to any abortion and would require written consent before it can be done.

Adams told the Daily Reporter newspaper that abortion centers would "need to get consent from the biological father" before the abortion can proceed and he called the measure a "father's right bill" to protect the interest of fathers who are given no say in the abortion process.

He also said the bill provides for criminal penalties for women seeking abortions who do not obtain consent properly.

"Providing a false biological father would be a first-degree misdemeanor the first time, which means not more than six months and jail, and a maximum $1,000 fine," Adams said. "And on the second occasion, providing false information would be considered a fifth-degree felony."

Adams told the newspaper that, in cases when the mother does not know the identity of the father, the abortion would be prohibited.

"There needs to be responsibility for actions," Adams said. "As someone who is pro-life, this is also an attempt and a hope to keep the two people who have created that child together, and I suppose if you just go back to the simple beginning, there is merit to chastity, and to young men and women waiting until marriage."

Adams said the bill offers exceptions in cases of rape or incest or when the life of the mother is threatened by the pregnancy.

Of course, in order to use those exceptions, a police report is required because that is the objective standard of whether a rape occurred or not. ::snort:: what are reported rape stats these days again? did we suddenly wake up in a world where rape victims are not subject to character assassination and criminal charges just for reporting a crime? Oh yeah, not so much, actually.

This provides obvious corridors for abuse of women, but who gives a fuck about that? Stupid sluts should know better than to think that they are allowed to have a sex life or that they own their own body. What are they? Delusional Feminazis? In the really real world, if a man sticks his cock in you, that means you're his property. Suck it up sweetcakes, you've got some brood-mare duties to attend to. Oh, you had plans? A life you wanted? Should have thought of that before getting yourself knocked up, slut. (On a side note, it is amazing the radically contradictory notions we can hold in our minds without our brains imploding. Shitstains like the Rep. Adams managed to simultaneously blame women for their own pregnancies as if they did it all by themselves, yet want to give the guy, who played no active part in this framing, the control of what happens to the pregnancy. I think I have gone cross-eyed.)

Besides, how would they prove that the actual sperm donor gave permission in order to assess if a woman is committing "abortion fraud" (which again, only has consequences for her and not the dude who helped her?) Does he have to watch the procedure? Submit to a test to prove paternity before or after the procedure? Who eats those costs? Will it be like the unnecessary and invasive ultrasounds that women have to pay for to obtain abortions even though it is a state requirement?

Look, I am completely in favor of couples making decisions to abort or continue a pregnancy together, but, much like parental notification laws, you can't legislate good or healthy relationships. That is not the state's responsibility.

Thanks for proving my point

2009-07-26T14:30:00.003-04:00

...Okay, y'all...

I have to say that I REALLY dislike coincidence.

I especially dislike the coindicence of posting about the terroristic tactics of homophobes in this country, only to read about a series of events that only proves my point.

Amanda Hess of The Sexist has been keeping a running tab on this story:

Gay T-Shirts In Windows A Problem For American Apparel - "A local vandal may have found an antidote for the “Legalize Gay” T-shirts that have popped up in American Apparel window displays around the D.C. area—eliminate the window.

When Kassandra Powell arrived for work at the Silver Spring American Apparel store yesterday morning, she was met with a crowd, a police car, and a broken window. “I was told that the [security alarm] went off at 5:15 a.m.,” she says...

...This morning, the Georgetown American Apparel location experienced its own attack from an upset window shopper—this time, over the telephone. Around 10:30 a.m., visual merchandiser Walter Reed fielded a call from a male who was “enraged for no reason.”

“He was like, is this the Silver Spring location? And I said, ‘No, this is the Georgetown location, ‘” says Reed. “He said, ‘You have some Legalize Gay shirts in the window there.’ He said that he and his friends found it offensive, and that if we didn’t take them down, they were going to break it—the window,” said Reed. “I said, ‘Is that a threat, Sir?’ And then he hung up.”

When Reed called the Silver Spring store to inform them of the threat, he was told that the location had already received the more forceful warning about its window display over 24 hours earlier. Then, Reed informed the police of the telephonic follow-up."

The stores have decided that they won't bow to intimidation tactics despite escalation to death threats against the store employees. Luckily, there has also been a response of support and added security from the community and the company.

Who the hell thinks that they have the right to do things like this? What kind of hubris do you have to have to think that you are justified in threatening the lives of people who have an opinion you disagree with? How weak is your reasoning and your point that you are moved to threaten retail employees for a shirt that offends you?

Today in things that make me want to hide...

2009-07-23T07:18:00.003-04:00

This is terrifying.

Anti-Gay Extremists Predict “Flash Point” for Charlotte Pride.

An Excerpt:

In a movement that places such value in the Word, there is little difference between word and deed. And that’s particularly true when the word is presented as prophecy. Engle says his prophecy is that the “homosexual agenda” will reach its high-water mark in Charlotte, and that because of their efforts, “it stops here.” Those hoped-for thousand will have fasted and prayed, and they will have heard the exhortations to value death more than life. Brown and Engle are playing with a very dangerous mix of emotion and religious fervor. Under those conditions, just about anything might happen.

I highly recommend the entire article. It is a very detailed look into the actions and rhetoric of these men and their followers.

THis comes back around to several points that I have made in the past, namely that there is a consistent movement of terrorist(and I use that word deliberately) activity against marginalized groups in this country, and that the government needs to start calling it what it is. The other is that things like this highlight the massive difference between the "traditional" values groups and the "progressive" values groups. In our perfect world, we get to live just like everyone else, in theirs, we are dead and they are rejoicing over our graves. As someone with a family history of experiencing genocide, you can probably guess which one I prefer.

Cirila Baltazar Cruz and The Plight Of The Unworthy

2009-07-11T19:42:00.002-04:00

An Update on a story that we had here a while ago, with more detail and insightful analysis:

Cirila Baltazar Cruz and The Plight Of The Unworthy
via Zuky by Kai on 7/10/09
Cross-posted at Feministe

In recent weeks, the startling story of Cirila Baltazar Cruz has been stirring outrage and splitting spleens in certain corners of blogland, though it has yet to receive mainstream attention. Some details remain fuzzy, and we have yet to hear directly from the person at the center of the story, Ms. Cruz herself; and indeed we aren't likely to hear from her anytime soon because her case is currently under a court gag order.

Here's what we have so far: Cirila Baltazar Cruz gave birth to a baby girl, Rubi Juana, on November 16, 2008, at the Singing River Hospital in Pascagoula, Mississippi. It is, as you might imagine, a predominantly white area. The hospital provided Cruz with a Spanish interpreter. However, Cruz doesn't speak Spanish; she speaks Chatino, an indigenous language from the Oaxaca region of Mexico. Two days after the birth, the hospital reported the baby as a neglected child to the Department of Human Services, after which Rubi Juana Cruz was promptly taken from her mother and placed in the custody of an affluent couple in Ocean Springs.

According to court records obtained by The Mississippi Clarion-Ledger, the child was deemed neglected in part because Cruz "has failed to learn the English language" which "placed her unborn child in danger and will place the baby in danger in the future". In addition, the hospital report noted that Cruz "was an illegal immigrant" who was "exchanging living arrangements for sex".

Of course, it's a bit of a mystery how they were able to establish these facts when there were apparently no Chatino-speakers on hand. More to the point: it's irrelevant. I'm no legal expert, but in my understanding, immigration status, language skills, and highly-questionable allegations of sex work are not grounds for snatching a baby from her mother and initiating adoption proceedings. But that's exactly what's happening. The case is currently in the Jackson County Youth Court, where Cruz is being represented by the Southern Poverty Law Center. As mentioned, the case is under gag order so it's been difficult to get updates on the situation and the fate of Rubi Juana remains unknown.

Unfortunately, the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform's Child Welfare Blog notes:

The case is not unique. In 2005, the Lebanon (Tenn.) Democrat, revealed that, at least twice, a local judge ordered Mexican mothers to learn English -- or lose their children forever. [...] In one case the child still lived with the mother, in the other the child was in foster care. In both cases, the mothers spoke an indigenous language rather than Spanish.

Over at Vivir Latino, Maegan La Mamita Mala places the story in the larger context of the "good immigrant vs. bad immigrant" narrative which has come to dominate mainstream liberal discourse in the immigration debate:

Quick. Choose. The house is burning and you have to choose. Your mother or your child? Who do you save?

Your mother, Maegan writes, "didn't make it like Sonia Sotomayor. Didn't graduate from college and in fact can't even speak English". On the other hand, your child has assimilated, can speak English, has received a formal education, and "won't be a burden on the system".

Is it the correct choice to abandon your unassimilated mother?

This is the morally untenable dead-end into which liberals propel themselves when they adopt tactical discourse which appeases the xenophobic forces of the right-wing for the sake of electoral expediency, rather than a discourse fundamentally grounded in universal human rights.

Now I'm not suggesting any less respect for the remarkable achievements of someone like Sonia Sotomayor. But when liberals hold her up as the shining example of The American Story -- a model minority, a false compliment with which Asian Americans are all too familiar -- they are actually Othering the majority of immigrants, ordinary hard-working people who have never had the opportunities or life situations or sheer good fortune to rise to such societal heights. The implication is that those less-accomplished immigrant stories are somehow less American, and therefore those other immigrants are unworthy of the magnanimous acceptance extended by the mainstream to a select few.

What is the plight of the unworthy? Ask Cirila Baltazar Cruz.

Please consider writing, faxing, or calling the presiding judge in this case and asking that (1) Rubi Juana be re-united with her mother, and (2) all adoption proceedings against the will of the mother be stopped. Here's the contact info:

Honorable Judge Sharon Sigalas
Youth Justice Court of Jackson County
4903 Telephone Rd.
Pascagoula, MS 39567
Call (228) 762-7370
Fax (228) 762-7385

ETA: Thanks to Maegan for sending me this radio interview, recorded on June 1, in which we hear from Cirila Baltazar Cruz herself (in Spanish and Chatino).

Cruz says she doesn't know why they took her daughter, though she calls herself "ignorant" for not being able to speak Spanish or English (though she does speak some Spanish, as you can hear in the interview). She's a homeowner in Oaxaca with two other children being cared for by her family there. She works at a Chinese restaurant in Biloxi and lives in an apartment owned by her employer — an arrangement which the hospital interpreter either misunderstood or misrepresented. Cirila says that the interpreter told her that she must leave her Chinese employer or lose her baby; furthermore, the interpreter offered her a job with a wealthy family who would take care of the child. When she refused the offer, the interpreter became irritated with her, and we know the rest.

Cruz says she wants her daughter back. All the information she receives from the court is in English. It was her cousin Esteban who implored the Mississippi Immigrants' Rights Alliance (MIRA) to get involved, which is how we now know about this case. Vicky Cintra of MIRA (also interviewed) says red flags went up at the organization when they learned that Esteban had been barred from serving as an interpreter for Cirila at the hospital, even though he repeatedly offered; he was told he would be arrested if he didn't leave. MIRA claims that the family that took custody of Rubi Juana are lawyers with connections to the judge; they threw a baby shower to greet Rubi's arrival.

November 18 is the next court date. We'll be keeping a close eye on this story.

In Which I Poo In The Punchbowl

2009-07-11T07:32:00.004-04:00

So, I don't know how many of my dear readers have heard about the Swedish parents who have gained some media attention for refusing to disclose what genitalia their child has. They (correctly) think that the world as a whole will try to box their child in based on the contents of hir pants and they want to give hir a chance to just be hirself.

This has been met with mostly shock and accusations of abuse(?) which boggle the mind. Well, that isn't strictly true. It only boggles the mind if you aren't aware of how steeped in a gendered hierarchy we are. My fellow feminists, on the other hand, are aware, and have mostly reacted positively. I wish I felt as positive.

As much as I respect and agree with these parents for what they are trying to do, I think it is premature to suggest that this is going to make Pop's life any better. Part of the insidious nature of a system as powerful as the kyriarchy is its ubiquitousness. There is no such thing as "outside the kyriarchy." Unless Pop's parents plan on keeping hir at home and not exposing hir to any media what so ever, zie will still see these messages that we all are soaking in at the very least. If they plan to send hir to school, well...I just have an image in my head of some kid asking hir if zie is a boy or a girl, hir saying that she doesn't know, and having someone ask about, ask to see or force a peek at hir genitals.

I really wish it could work, and I wish Pop all the best, but I can't shake the cynicism that tells me that this will end poorly.

Random Thought

2009-07-08T09:35:00.000-04:00

I once had someone ask me why "dickhead" was not a sexist insult if "cunt" was.

I think I have figured it out.

Almost every other insult that can be directed at a man doesn't actually insult him. It insults the women that are "his" in order to insult him and it does so by applying some of the same reasoning that makes calling someone feminine or a female body part insulting.

Case in point, the insults "son of a bitch" and "mother fucker."

The first is pretty obvious. You aren't insult the man on the basis of his gender, or using his body as a negative, insulting thing, you are insulting his mother.

The second is a bit more complex, but it implies that a mother is not desirable, or sexual and therefore there is something bad about having sex with them. Maybe it is intended to imply that the man is less than because he can't get anyone "better" and is a reflection of our culture's obsession with virginity and how that is a measure of a woman's worth. It could also be calling up echoes of the Oedipus mythos, implying that the man in question fucked his own mother, who cannot possibly be desirable because she is "old" and a mother and was supposed to have turned in her libido when his birth certificate was signed.

This is why I stick with "asshole" as my catch all insult.

Quote of the day

2009-07-05T18:28:00.003-04:00

In the process of describing an event of being hit on at work to my spouse, and how I didn't really like it:

Spouse: "I'm sorry, baby. Was it positive or negative?"

Me: "Positive, I'm just a bitch who doesn't really like straight guys."

Spouse: "You know, sadly I'm not sure whether you're being sarcastic, ironic or serious."

Me: "A little of both really."

Mrs. Slocombe, Are You Free?

2009-07-02T13:55:00.001-04:00

Mollie Sugden, the British actress most well known for her role as "Mrs. Slocombe" in the britcom "Are You Being Served?" has died. She was 86.

Her character was the reason I wanted to dye my hair bright colors as a child, and is part of the reason why I can openly joke about my "pussy."

Molly, you were indeed a treasure, and I know I will miss you.

Brief Thinky Thoughts: Religion and Responsibility

2009-07-02T01:44:00.000-04:00

Blaming religion for the actions of its adherents is like blaming the knife you used to stab someone for your choice to engage in an act of aggression.

Religion is not an independent actor with a will of its own, it is an object, a collection of thoughts, beliefs, and history with a heavy dose of myth/morality tales. Blaming the object one uses for the use you made of it is ludicrous, and is refusing responsibility for your own actions. The same applies for blaming someone's actions on their religious beliefs. You have essentially absolved them of responsibility, removed their agency and placed it in an object with no consciousness of its own.

Sense, this makes none.

Structures may encourage and support certain behaviors, but a structure cannot exist without people choosing to perpetuate it. The structure was created by the choices of individuals to begin with, and it maintains its shape through the choices of its participants. The structure itself is not sentient, does not have a personal purpose or aim. Society is nothing more than a collection of individuals.

In the end, religion is just word on a page that can be used to justify almost anything. If you dig below the religious justification, there is almost always something more there. People will use an object to further their own aims, and given the absence of a particular object, they will simply find something else to use.

If someone really wants to kill you, will taking away their knife prevent them from trying?

Letter to the queer/feminist/progressive cis blogosphere

2009-07-01T12:21:00.000-04:00

The recent dust up over the term cisgender and/or cis and the question of whether it is insulting or hostile terminology?

It isn't. And if you feel insulted by it, it is a function of your fucking privilege. And your privilege does not make you a bad person. Its what you fucking do with it that shows what kind of person you are (and as a note for that particular link, it is an example of someone using their privilege to be a fucking asshole. THAT is what makes someone a "bad person" not the presence of privilege in and of itself.)

The term cisgender is nothing more than an indicator that someone is not transgender. Having a way to distinguish between multiple states of being without setting the one with privilege as the standard is an important step in acceptance and activism.

I am so fucking tired of the oppression olympics. Just because you are oppressed by nature of your gender, your color, your sexuality, your able-bodiness, your non/neurotypicality and any intersection of the above, you are still not excused from being able to be a fucking asshole to other people that you do have privilege over. Privileges v. oppressions are not a fucking tally sheet. You can't "cancel out" the privilege of being cisgender by virtue of being queer/disabled/of color/whathaveyou. I don't get what is so hard to understand. Your privilege shifts with context. A queer, able-bodied, neurotypical white guy who was assigned a male gender at birth and who experiences no dysphoria re: his gender identity will experience oppression in the realm of sexual orientation, but still receives male, white, able-bodied, neurotypical, cisgender privilege.

And as C.L. (who rocks so absolutely) helpfully points out, having privilege in certain areas does not diminish the oppressions one faces. It also does not give you a free card to be an asshole. If you have questions on where to start with the whole "not being an asshole" thing, go read this

For my part, I regularly use the term cis for myself because despite my gender-queerness, my public presentation and my gender assignment at birth match for the most part. I consider myself cis because while I face the same shit that so many other queer women do, one thing I won't have to fear is the shit that transgender people face just for existing.

Teaspoons! Action needed: Trans-inclusive ENDA introduced

2009-06-30T00:41:00.000-04:00

From Monica at Transgriot:

“Today marks a critical milestone for our community and our country. Introduction of this important legislation signals the beginning of the end of a long-fought battle. For decades, a majority of people in this country have supported protecting their friends, family and neighbors from discrimination. Congress must act, at long last, this year." Rea Carey Executive Director, The Task Force

The day the transgender community has anxiously been awaiting this session has finally arrived. A trans inclusive ENDA was introduced in the House today by Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) with bipartisan support.

The lead sponsors of the measure are Representatives Barney Frank (D-MA), Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-FL), Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), Jared Polis (D-CO), Michael Castle (R-DE), George Miller (D-CA), Mark Kirk (R-IL), John Conyers (D-MI), Todd Platts (R-PA), Rob Andrews (D-NJ), and Leonard Lance (R-NJ).

I'm waiting for the text of the bill to appear on THOMAS, but what ENDA will do if passed and signed into law is would prohibit and protect TBLG peeps against workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity

The introduction of the bill is the easy part. We will now have to fight the lies of the Religious Reich, the GOP, Faux News, the conservative movement, and their negro sellouts in the Lo Impact Misleadership Coalition (the negro sellout version of the Traditional Values Coalition), their sheeple, and apathetic people in our own ranks.

You can do your part to pass this important legislation. Call, write or visit with your legislators in Washington DC if possible or back home during the August recess.

We need as Dr. Jillian T. Weiss calls it, a T-storm on this.

While there are rumors of shaky CBC support, I visited various offices of Congressional Black Caucus members and I was told by chiefs of staff and two congressmembers themselves they don't want a repeat of the 2007 ENDA fiasco.

I find those rumors specious and questionable, given that only one member voted against ENDA in '07, Rep. Artur Davis (D-AL) and also voted against this year's hate crimes bill. Hope the Black GLBT peeps in Alabama remember that when his azz is running in the Dem primary for governor next year.

Rep. Yvette Clarke (D-NY) and Rep. Edolphus Towns (D-NY) voted against it in '07 because it wasn't trans inclusive.

The CBC is also chaired by Rep. Barbara Lee (D-CA), who has been a consistent supporter of trans inclusion and the GLBT community.

Just in case the rumors are true that CBC is squishy, those of you who live in the districts of CBC congressmembers definitely need to call them ASAP, especially if that member has a large homophobic predominately Black megachurch in it. The Hi Impact ministers like Bishop Hater (oops Harry) Jackson have already received their marching orders from Massa Lou Sheldon to kill it.

So people, open those e-mail programs, and get those telephone dialing fingers ready to roll. We have work to do and a bill to pass.

I hate my conscience

2009-06-28T12:20:00.001-04:00

Reading this article by Renee of Womanist Musings made me really uncomfortable. That isn't unusual. Renee speaks her truth and does so bluntly. Her truth includes intense criticism of things that I get to take for granted, and if you can stay comfortable in a situation where your privilege is challenged, then you are doin' it wrong.

This is different.

In her article, she makes the point that prison rape is still rape and is still a crime and is still a violation of basic bodily integrity.

As far as my morals and my social/political positions, I agree completely.

But there is a twisted little worm in my gut that doesn't. An angry, scarred and vengeful part of me. I think of the people who are in prison for violating the bodily integrity of others, rapists...murderers...I think about the people they have hurt, and a part of me wants them to fucking suffer the pain they have inflicted on others. Yes, I realize they are still people, despite their actions...but why do they get the rights that they violated in others? Why do they get to live a life without that pain, fear and scars?

The logical part of me usually pipes up around here to remind me that revenge fantasies are not constructive, and to point out that I can't hope to help bring an end to rape culture and still tolerate it happening. How can I hope to help deconstruct this concept of shame in being penetrated, the power dynamics that create the current societal attitude toward rape, if I still, personally consider it a just punishment for a rapist? How will that accomplish anything besides continuing to reinforce the messages that excuse rape to begin with? It also points out to me that most justice systems are flawed enough that there is not always a certainty that the person in prison for the crime actually committed it.

These are not easy standards to live up to, and I can see just how far this seeps into our minds. Its what happens when you are soaked in rape culture for the whole of your existence, and if we want that to end, we have to be able to admit that we are a part of it as well.

its all so clear!

2009-06-25T12:59:00.001-04:00

The reason why all these conservative douche-canoes keep flailing about in an effort to keep queers from being treated like full citizens:

They are afraid of us.

We show them up for what they are, frauds, liars and weak human beings. They can keep lying to themselves about how they are doing everything right because there is no other basis for comparison, but since we show that love can look many ways and still be a positive thing, we put lie to their ideas and their very lives. They don't like options for all because they hate their own decisions and resent their own lack of options.

This is your world...

2009-06-24T12:18:00.001-04:00

And we have another one for the "You have got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME" file.

Who thought this was a good idea? Which scumbag came up with it? WHO SUES A 14 YEAR OLD BECAUSE THEY WERE FORCED TO WORK IN THE SEX INDUSTRY!?

For the same of full disclosure, I have not a damn thing wrong with sex work of any kind, provided that all involved are consenting adults. And in the case of a strip club, as the group doing the hiring, it is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure their employees all fit the LEGAL FUCKING REQUIREMENTS TO WORK!

You do NOT get to sue a sexually abused CHILD because you were too fucking dumb or lazy to do your fucking job!

I hope a judge verbally beats the crap out of you.

But...We ALWAYS Know better! Don't We?

2009-06-23T10:20:00.002-04:00

I saw a news bulletin on Twitter (oh Twitter, source of evil and loss of daily productivity ::shakes fist at sky::) that stated:

@BreakingNews: AP: Nicolas Sarkozy says France "cannot accept" that women are forced to wear full-body burqas.

And my hackles went up. My hackles always go up when I hear someone from a Western country who is not Muslim and/or is not obviously familiar with Muslim culture make comments about veiling, but when it is the head of state of a state that is not exactly the most tolerant of the practice, regardless of why it is occurring, my hackles go beyond up. They scurry off to get coffee and a shower before running to their part-time job as props in a were-wolf movie.

After poking around in my feeling of "Oh NO he didn't!" I finally got to the root of what was bothering me about the statement, I mean, besides my over-inflated sense of indignation.

When was the last time Mr. Sarkozy made a decisive public statement about the sexism that allowed him better access to the presidency of France? Oh wait...he has been too busy reinforcing the othering of Muslims and immigrants when they said they wanted to be treated equally.

It never seems to me that Western men who talk about the human rights abuses that women in some Muslim countries face are really all that sincere. There seems to be a tone of "oh those backwards brown people" that permeates the discussion on a very base level, but mostly what bothers me is the focus on what women are wearing. Why is it that whenever I hear about Western men decrying how women are treated in "those" places, it almost always ties back to the attitude of women being seen but not heard. Who cares if she chose to cover or not? We can't see her tits or ass! Isn't that what women are for? What about the rights of men to sexually objectify every woman they come across?

I did have a friend suggest to me that this may reflect a difference in collective v. individualist values, but again, considering France in general and Mr. Sarkozy in particular only seem interested in the choices of Muslim women if they are the choices that allow for the women to be fully on display, I find that perspective not only a hard sell, it makes me think of this bridge some guy once tried to get me to buy. It did seem kinda too good to be true...

It seems, like so many other men out there, that Mr. Sarkozy, and France itself apparently, cannot accept the idea of women who choose not to be sexually available and in the public eye. Congrats to Mr. Sarkozy on being the same shit, just a different day.

(For more on related issues please see my ongoing Veiled Contempt series: Veiled Contempt - Introduction (aka The "Why I Opened This Can o' Worms" Edition), Part One: "Hijab" (aka "The Mythnomers and Impervections" edition), and Part Two: "Hijab"(aka "The Fashion Statement That Isn't, Or Is It?" edition))

Teaspoons!

2009-06-22T10:14:00.001-04:00

h/t to The Jaded Hippy

vis flip flopping joy

Request for Action from the Mississippi Immigrant Rights Alliance (MIRA):

Cirila Baltazar Cruz gave birth to her baby girl in November of 2008 at Singing River Hospital in Pascagoula, MS. She speaks very little Spanish and no English, as her native language is Chatino, an Indigenous language from Oaxaca, Mexico that is spoken by some 50,000 people.

The hospital provided her with an “interpreter” who is from Puerto Rico and does not speak Chatino, the language of the mother. Because of the language barrier and the misunderstanding by the hospital’s interpreter who only spoke Spanish and English, a social worker was called in.

The hospital’s social worker reported “evidence” of abuse and neglect based on the following:

* The “baby was born to an illegal [sic] immigrant;”
* The “mother had not purchased a crib, clothes, food or formula.” (Most Latina mothers breast feed their babies).
* “She does not speak English which puts baby in danger.”

Ms. Baltazar Cruz’s baby was snatched from her after birth at the hospital and given to an affluent attorney couple from the posh Ocean Springs who cannot have children.

The authorities made no effort to locate an interpreter in her native tongue. MIRA located an interpreter who is fluent in Chatino in Los Angeles CA and has interviewed the mother extensively with the interpreters help. The mother has been accused of being poor and not being able to provide for this child. No one has asked the mother to provide evidence of support. She owns a home in Mexico and a store which provides both secure shelter and financial support, not counting the nurturing of a loving family of two other siblings, a grandmother, aunts, uncles and other extended family.

Meanwhile, there is word in the Gulf Coast community that the “parents to be,” have already had a baby shower celebrating the “blessed arrival” of this STOLEN child!

PLEASE MAKE CALLS & WRITE LETTERS DEMANDING THE SAFE RETURN OF BABY & REUNITE WITH HER MOTHER

If you believe this is unjust and outrageous and goes against all moral and religious beliefs and values, please call or write to the presiding Judge and the MS Department of Human Services to STOP this ILLEGAL ADOPTION! Stealing US born babies from immigrant parents is a growing epidemic in the United States. Many Latino parents have lost their children this way!

Honorable Judge Sharon Sigalas
Youth Justice Court of Jackson County
4903 Telephone Rd.
Pascagoula, MS 39567
(228)762-7370

Children’s Justice Act Program
MS Dept. of Human Services
750 North State Street
Jackson, MS 39202
Call (601)359-4499 and ask for Barbara Proctor

For more information please call MIRA at: (601) 968-5182

MIRA Organizing Coordinator
Victoria Cintra at (228) 234-1697 or Organizer Socorro Leos at(228) 731-0831

Seriously Still Don't Get It

2009-06-21T07:08:00.003-04:00

I will admit that while I have identified myself as a feminist from a very young age (I had pro-choice buttons on my backpack in middle school {yeah I was a trouble maker, how did you know?}) I really didn't get too into the community and any kind of activism until much later, like, college. I worked with the Women's Program at the American Friend's Service Committee as a co-op in my sophomore year of college. I learned a great deal there that I hadn't known before, and I'll admit, there were only two women (out of five) in the office who were under the age of thirty at the time, myself and the other volunteer intern. Even the two of us were radically different in age, I being an undergrad and her almost finished grad school.

One thing I didn't learn about was the weird age/generation/wave schism that rears its head in the feminist blogosphere pretty regularly.
(Note: I noticed some icky framing of race issues in this linked article, Suzie essentially saying that since there have been women of color in power positions at NOW, that arguing for a woman of color to get the presidency of said organization is not a valid argument. Frankly, it doesn't surprise me, which is almost sadder than the fact that she didn't realize she said it. I hate expecting this shit from other white feminists. I really do.)

I find this entire discussion to be singularly odd, and particularly unhelpful and not constructive in the least.

It seems to mostly take form as a discussion about "second-wave" feminism and "third-wave" feminism, and the Perpetual Battle For The Mantle Of Feminist Leadership of the two incarnations. It almost always comes down to older women v. younger women, with a fairly arbitrary divide over who is considered "older" or "younger." Now me, I was not aware that I was part of a movement and the follower of a philosophy that required me to find a label and snuggle down in my little box with it.

I know there are issues with the movement and hierarchies within it. I criticize them myself, and some of the greatest activist voices I know of are regular critics of those flaws. That is part of the liberation process. No anti-oppression group/organization/philosophy is born whole from the head of Zeus as a perfect entity. Any group we form as people living within a kyriarchical society is going to contain echoes of said kyriarchy. When it is all you know, and you have been soaking in it for the whole of your existence, then the unconscious part of it, the things that don't personally hurt you, will carry over until you recognize and deal with them. That is one of the biggest functions of privilege. How the member of that group and those it purports to serve deal with that is a measure of many things.

I continue to own the label of "Feminist" because I feel it is my job as a relatively privileged person, to work to improve the movement. Its a tough job, and all I can find the energy to focus on is the issues of how race, transphobia, and heteronormativity still inform so much feminist discourse. I don't have time to even work on anything else and I have less to do in many ways than some of the other people I have met who do more.

So why do so many feminists make the whole "second-wave" v. "third-wave" issue so huge? With all the shit we have to work on in our own movement, is it really necessary to have a generation gap with economically, racially and gender privileged people on each side stomping their foot about how "no one understands me!" when people of color, trans*people, poor people, and every permutation in between of possible intersections of those and other ignored groups in this movement are still sitting outside the glass dome?

My understanding of these labels is that they are used in a historical context to help differentiate the goals of certain generations of anti-oppression movements. I dislike them being used at all because they are limiting in the extreme. I thought this whole thing was about rejecting the labels used to reduce us and our work. Was I wrong? Or are you?

Y'all can fight each other, but I have shit to do, like fucking try to fix things in this world. Any time you want to stop navel gazing and complaining about how you deserve respect from someone you haven't earned it from, and stop making it about you, I'll be over here with the rest of us pulling your load for you.

That's SENATOR Bitch To You

2009-06-20T11:57:00.000-04:00

I love Senator Barbara Boxer. I love her with all of my shriveled, wasted, cat-loving feminist heart.

Transcript:
Senator Barbara Boxer: Well, why has it been delayed?

Brigadier General Michael Walsh: Uh, ma'am, at the LACPR—

Boxer: You know, do me a favor, could you say "Senator" instead of "ma'am"? It's just a thing—

Walsh: Yes, Senator.

Boxer: —I worked so hard to get that title, so I'd appreciate it. [giggles and mumbling in background] Yes, thank you.

Walsh: Yes, Senator.

Apparently though, asking to be addressed by a title that you have earned is completely unconscionable if you happen to be of the female persuasion. Liss puts it beautifully:

The visceral reactions to this in various threads have been extremely informative. Echidne calls her post (recommended reading) "Senator Cuntface," an epithet she snagged from the YouTube comments on this video. Along with every other variation on "Senator + Misogynist Slur," I've seen her called "Barb," "Barbara," "Mrs. Boxer," "Senator Dirtbag," "Madame Dingbat," and dozens of other monikers that are not Senator Boxer—which illustrates precisely why a woman in her position might insist on being called by her proper title: Because not using it is often a sign of deliberate disrespect.

Ultimately, the exchange was nothing more than a woman politely asking a man to treat her respectfully, and that man politely agreeing to do so. There's absolutely nothing controversial about it, aside from the fact that it still drives lots of people bonkers to see a woman stand up for herself in public and demand the respect she's earned.

Veiled Contempt-Part two : "Hijab" (aka The "Fashion Statement That Isn't, Or Is It?" edition)

2009-06-19T17:37:00.000-04:00

Holy crap I let this sit waaaaaay too long. Well, I have put my intarwebs boots back on and Am ready to slog back into the fray.

Okay, in part one we addressed the myths that seems to surround the concept of hijab in the west and laid out some basic definitions.

Here is where we get to the fun part.

On to the analysis!

The mentality behind veiling that is forced on women (or that they are "strongly encouraged to"{read:shamed into} participate in) is the same mentality of American or European women being judged or shamed because of what they are wearing.

That's right, I said the same.

"But Dori!" someone is sure to cry, "We are CIVILIZED!"

Excuse me...

::runs to a corner and starts laughing hysterically::

Okay, you want to believe that, we can go ahead from there. Just keep in mind that we live in a culture (and by "we" I mean mainly the US and Canada, potentially the UK, the EU and Australia as well) that needs an AD CAMPAIGN to explain to the general public that a woman doesn't get raped because of what she is wearing. We live in a culture where we are aggressively marketed clothing that is uncomfortable, impractical and damaging to our health because it makes us look "attractive." And to add insult to injury, that shit is expensive to boot! How many jokes are there in mass media about how a woman dresses and what that says about her likes, dislikes, sexual prowess, sexual preference and gender identity? How many fucking reality make-over shows do we have that focus primarily on making sure that women "dress appropriately" for their age and for public consumption? If a woman on one of those shows is young and refuses to dress like a sex-pot, they take away her sweatpants and t-shirts and force her to buy "appropriate" clothes. If shes old and dresses as if she still sees herself as sexy (how dare she! doesn't she know that you are supposed to turn in your vagina and libido once you hit 40?) then they take away her mini skirts and camis to be replaced with more "modest" attire. And if shes either of those things but also fat? Fucking forget about it. AND WE WATCH THIS SHIT FOR FUN! Yeah, that's "civilized." And I'm the motherfucking Easter bunny.

This section is short and sweet really.

The point of this tirade?
Women, their bodies, and how those bodies are clothed or unclothed, is something that is echoed across societies, cultures, politics and religions. Women's dress and what that implies about the culture they are in is used regularly by those in power as example of the civic body.

Pretending that we are "better" or "more advanced" because we have cultural mores that demand that women be less clothed and more publicly accessible as sex objects is absurdness made reality.

A Bullet Ensuring The Right To Life

2009-05-31T16:06:00.001-04:00

Some forced-birth nutbar shot and killed Dr. George Tiller in Wichita, Kansas this morning. This was the second time this doctor has been shot for providing needed medical care to women. This is a man who is dead now because there are petty, small people who just can't live unless they are in control of this mythical moral universe where women sit down, shut up and pop out piddlers for their entire adult lives, and who think their right to control my life and my body justifies KILLING A BORN HUMAN BEING!

There is no such thing as pro-life that is anti-choice. The only pro-life stance is a pro-choice stance. Anyone who thinks otherwise is fucking delusional and/or lying to themselves.

In my perfect world, they could have their opinions as long as no one gets hurt. In their perfect world, we don't exist. We live with the threat of terrorism every day from people who think that their need to control is worth more than my life.

Fuck you assholes and your fetus fetish. Fuck you, and fuck off.

This is a toast to all the nurses and doctors out there, who daily provide women a choice. Who stand down a threat the size of Oklahoma City just to listen to a young woman's voice.

Thank you Doctor Tiller, for doing what needed to be done.

Because I'm lazy

2009-05-23T23:04:00.002-04:00

I am just gonna post a ton of Jay Smooth videos.

I Got A Delivery From The DUH Truck!

2009-05-17T05:25:00.000-04:00

Poll finds that American woman are more concerned with weight than health.

Well, no shit Sherlock.

We live in a culture that treats any woman above a size zero as disgusting, unlovable, unfuckable, and damaged. We live in a culture that conflates skinny with healthy and fat with moral failure and death. A woman who is fat is treated like a second class citizen who is failing in her womanly duties to sexually titillate every d00d who looks her way. A woman who is comfortable or, FSM forbid, HAPPY with her fat is treated as deranged.

So lets just say that this comes as no surprise to those of us who are paying attention and using Earth-logic.

MSM, Why Do You Wish Me Pain?

2009-05-12T08:28:00.002-04:00

Okay, so there was this trolley crash in Boston, about 50 people were injured. I only noticed it because the stated reason for the crash was that the trolley operator was texting his girlfriend while driving. Your standard tale of human stupidity in a Western, industrialized nation, yes? Certainly sounds like it to me.

Then I checked my Google Alerts.

Apparently, the driver in question identifies himself as transgendered, and this is somehow considered relevant news. In an article that is almost completely about the accident, that talks extensively about the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority's policies and actions regarding their employees behavior, it is somehow relevant to title the article: "Texting Trolley Driver Is Transgendered Male" and make frequent references to Mr. Quinn being hired because of his minority status.

Okay, this has gone from a story about how sad our culture is with being so interconnected that someone can't be away from their toys long enough to not crash a trolley, to something that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I would give ABC News credit for proper pronouns and gendering (with the exception of including Mr. Quinn's birth name which is fucking skeezy) if this entire article didn't have that subtext of "See what happens when we hire those minorities? Affirmative action is bad, mm'kay?" and if that subtext wasn't so goddamn subtle. Its the kind of thing that someone who is not the most progressive, or who doesn't think to look for things like this, will see, will skim over and will assimilate without even realizing it.

If someone gets a job they are not qualified for because whoever hired them was afraid of being "offensive" then blame the person who hired them, but this subtle "See what happens when we try to level the playing field? See? White, het, cis doods really are just better at everything!" shit is disgusting.

Note to media: Someone's gender identity, no matter how open with it they are, is COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IRRELEVANT to whether they are going to do stupid shit and there is no reason to bring it up except to put this person and vicariously the community they are part of, on display for those who have access to privileges that people like Mr. Quinn are denied.

More plainly, y'all are being privileges assholes. Fucking stop it.

Ordinary Scars

2009-05-10T20:06:00.000-04:00

This is another one of those posts...you know those posts. The ones where I stare at my navel and ramble on about the shit that no one really wants to hear, but it is shit that so many people I know have been through and can understand.

It all started with Liss' post for Blog Against Disablism Day. Praticularly this:

I see myself in the mirror, later, and I feel ashamed. I'm so fucked up. No, you've got a chronic mental illness. I'm so fucking weak. No, you're sick. I'm a piece of shit. No, you're a survivor.

Then how come I don't feel like one?

Her piece hit me like a gut punch. I have a good gut instinct for the most part, so when I feel like something has hit me there, I listen. This one made me uncomfortable though.

I don't want to claim certain labels. I feel that to do so is appropriative. I identify as female-presenting genderqueer but I never talk about it. I am a survivor of sexual assault, intimate partner violence and mental abuse, and these things all have changed my ability to interact with the world in the expected "normal" way, possibly forever, but I will not claim the label of "victim" or "disabled." I'm not disabled because my issues are ones that I should just buck up and get over, right? I mean, I'm only a raped and abused woman in America. I'm a statistic. I'm just like a huge portion of women, or any marginalized group really. And to be a "good" survivor, I just need to "be strong" and "overcome adversity" and "learn to heal." I refuse to go to therapy, mainly because I should just get over this shit. That's what I'm supposed to do, right?

That worked for a while, or so I thought.

I had a moment early in my marriage when I was not feeling well, and my spouse asked me if I was interested in having sex that night. I didn't want to but I was clearly feeling torn about saying no, and zie looked me in the eye and said "It's okay to say 'no,' baby. I don't want you to say yes unless you really want to." I almost broke down crying, I was so relieved. I could say no, and be listened to. I could say no and still be loved and respected. Later I got angry...really, really angry. Angry that being allowed to say no almost reduced me to tears, that I lived in a world where even someone as aware of this shit as I am could get drawn so deeply into this thinking that I felt like I was drowning. Angry that what should be basic human decency felt like undeserved Utopia. Angry that I still hadn't healed enough to be able to trust my partner who had never given me a reason to do otherwise.

That's just the thing, I don't think I will ever "heal", at least not in the way survivors are expected to. These things that have been done to me have changed me. I cannot go back to being who and what I was before. These things cannot be undone and the best I can expect is to figure out how to manage my damage.

Raise that double standard high!

2009-05-10T04:55:00.001-04:00

I really don't get it. (trigger warning for that link) I don't. What does it take to rationalize wishing an entire group of people dead simply because of their political ideology? And how much nerve do you have to have to say this and then claim that you don't hate them?
How insecure are you that you can only see the loss of privileges as a form of oppression? How far is your head up your own ass that you really think that anyone in the world has it better than you?

For the record, mass murderers like Marc Lepine are not "folk heroes" and if you idolize what he did in any way, then I would like to suggest that you may be a danger to others. It is not rational to react with violence unless you are in direct and immediate danger and I have yet to find any evidence that white guys are in physical danger from feminists as a whole. Why is it that if a feminist even has a fictional character call all men rapists, anything else she says is considered polemic and invalid at best, and "hysterical," "shrill," "dangerous," or "misandrist" at worst, but a man actively calling for the death of all "Western Feminists" (don't get me started on the racist, sexist and colonialist notions behind tacking "western" on to that) is considered reasonable criticism? Oh, but he doesn't mean it literally! Well, that certainly makes me feel better. I can fucking sleep like a baby tonight.

You know who else pulled that trigger, Mr. Flashman? An entire world that thinks that men deserve to control everything and women deserve to serve men. Marc Lepine's actions were not transgressive, rebellious or radical. They were one more example of the same bullshit that women have been facing for most of human history, and that is the chance that they will be killed simply for daring to exist while female.

White Penis= +6 advantage on a logic roll

2009-05-09T12:04:00.001-04:00

Oh this is fun :D

Apparently SCOTUS has been dealing with a case of white guys being all oppressed by racism and shit.

Chief Justice Roberts plays the privileged fool at best, and the privileged concern troll at worst. Recognizing systemic inequality as it has presented through history and as it presents today is totes the same as "racism."

I'm leaning toward troll personally, cause we have: "You're racist for talking about race!" and the "our department is colorblind!" fuckery.

I really can't think of much more to say except to express my total lack of shock at this debacle and my actual shock that none of the other justices smacked Roberts in the back of the head, Gibbs-style, for saying something so terribly foolish.

The War is not won

2009-05-09T06:07:00.002-04:00

There was a bittersweetness to hearing that Allen Andrade, the murderer of Angie Zapata will be receiving an additional sentence of 60 years to his life-sentence. It's an echo of the sadness tinged with...not joy...relief, maybe? that I felt when I first heard that he was found guilty. Even now, weeks later, the memory of my roommate telling me the verdict makes me tear up.

We are starting to see a shift in how these crimes are addressed in a larger social context. The jury's complete rejection of Andrade's "trans-panic" defense is proof of that.

But as I said, the war isn't won. We need to shift focus to the trial of Dwight DeLee for the murder of Lateisha Green. His defense is poised to make the same bigoted arguments and is counting on the fact that a jury who has lived their lives soaking in a culture of cis-supremacy, homophobia and misogyny will buy the idea that murder is a rational response to gender non-conformity.

The local media in this case is being spectacularly unhelpful
by constantly misgendering Lateisha and referring to her as a man. Both of the above links contain contct information for the local media outlets who have engaged in this transphobic behavior. Please contact them and let them know that doing this not only displays a bigoted attitude, it is also directly counter to the guidelines for reporting on trans and gender variant people as laid out in the APA style book.

I don't pray because to me it is the functional equivalent of shouting into the void, and because I would rather encourage myself to do something about whatever hurdle I'm facing than wishing for the help of some mystical force that may or may not exist.

All that being said, I am praying now. I pray that the fate of Allen Andrade shows a shift in how trans people are regarded socially. I want to see the legitimacy of the "trans panic" defense go down in a blaze of burning bullshit. As Jill @ Feministe said, we only accept defenses for murder built on panic, temporary insanity and passion because there is a social agreement that the actions of the murdered person are morally unacceptable to the point that a reasonable person might react with deadly force.

I am ready for the end of the social agreement that hetero men are justified in reacting with deadly force when someone has genitals that these men don't expect. I am ready for the end of the idea that threatened masculinity and a transphobic implication of homosexuality is a justified reason to kill someone.

Privilege Privilege Everywhere...but not a drop to drink

2009-05-08T10:49:00.000-04:00

There was one lesson I learned at an early age, life ain't fair. As I got older I learned another part of that lesson, that life ain't fair because for the most part, what one person thinks is fair is really subjective. I got even older and realized that for someone with any kind of privilege, (like me) what seemed fair to me was almost definitely going to be unfair to someone who was not granted the societal privilege I am. It all leads back to my basic premise though, namely that life is not fair.

If you are a middle class, white American dude, life is more than fair to you on a couple of counts, so being a whiny-ass titty baby because you like to dress up like this romanticized idea of a pirate and those impoverished Somali teenagers with guns are taking away your fun by committing actual acts of piracy makes you look like a tremendous asshole.

Just sayin'

Alyx Vance Fucking

2009-05-07T10:34:00.006-04:00

What we seem to have here is a failure to communicate. As much as I hate repeating myself it is apparently necessary.

Dear anyone and everyone that has arrived here thanks to these or similar search terms:

-alyx vance nude patch

-"Alyx Vance" fuck

-alyx vance fucking

Women do not exist to tingle your peen. Tough, but true. Is it at all possible that yo can try and see a woman in a video game as something other than wank material? Especially when that particular character manages to SAVE YOUR ASS on multiple occasions?

Or you could grow the fuck up and learn how to talk to real girls. Just a thought.

Edited to add: and to the person (and any subsequent people) who got here by searching for "Alyx Vance rape"? Go fuck yourself, because that is the only fucking you deserve, motherfucker.

Edited for Neil in the comments:

Neil, I'm not mad. I'm just sick and tired of entitled man-children who think women exist as fuck holes. If you want something to fuck, well...you have yourself, so why don't you just run along and do that now. And take your "lol" with you. You'll need it.

ETA The Third: I also want to thank you sexist motherfuckers for driving up my stats with your sophmoric fantasies. Lemme know how that all works out for you, why don't ya?

See That On My Arm? That's Wool, Because I Am Morphing Into Sheep

2009-05-07T09:14:00.000-04:00

MMMMMM, yummy meta-blogging. Besides Twitter, blogging about blogging is quite possibly one of the most navel-gazing things you can do. I avoid it usually because hey, I like having belly-button lint, thankyouverymuch.

However, I am consistently fascinated by the details of blog traffic. Obsessively I look at where people have come from, where they are from, where they looked and for how long.

My favorite is the search terms, because they always make me wonder about the person who searched for that, why they did and what else they found. I wonder if we managed to serve their needs. For some, I know we did (example: "societies that require veiling") and for some, it was just touching that they remembered us so specifically (examples: "witchiebunny blog," several variations of the blog name and quotes from posts.) If I didn't manage to do so, I intend to rectify that...right now :D

So, for your reading amusement, I present ::drumroll:: THE HALL OF WTF!

1) "hijap fucking": First of all, I am going to assume that they meant "hijab." The logical assumption is that zie is looking for pictures or footage of hibajis (veiled women) fucking. Well, that's original. No really, the whole "forbidden fruit" thing combined with the exoticization of Muslimahs, as well as the assumption that females bodies and sexualities exist to pleasure men...no one has ever managed this combination before! Congrats Skippy, on re-inventing the colonial, sexist, Orientalist wheel! In a similar vein we had someone looking for "sex.hijab.com". Brb, I need to beat a dent into the nearest brick wall with my forehead.

2) "Websites that ahve cocky and funny exmaples that can be used to women"
My question for the person who asked this is "cocky and funny examples of what?" Can we at least finish our sentences people? Give me a fighting chance here, willya?

3) "alyx vance fucking"
Witchiebunny's exact reaction to seeing this in our search terms: "Just...no" ::frowny face::
Once again, for those of you in the back of the room, women do not exist purely for your pleasure! No, not even video game women. I suggest some Crisco and a shotglass if you are in such need of stimulation.

4) "to ease my trouble man"
I recommend pot...or coffee...man.

Stand for the Lives of Women! Urgent Action Needed

2009-05-06T12:01:00.004-04:00

Hello there Gentle Readers!

From Frau Sally Benz:

I wanted to write a more thorough follow-up post about the Dominican Republic's recent right-to-life change in their constitution, but I have zero time, so I'll just post some links and info for now:

I learned from Dacia over at Akimbo (the blog for International Women's Health Collective) that there is a protest today, May 6, in D.R. and these groups are asking us to support them by putting pressure on the Dominican Republic Embassy:
In light of this serious situation, Colectiva is requesting support and a show of solidarity on May 6. Please write to the Dominican Republic embassy in your country and let them know that women’s health and rights will be compromised if the language of Article 30 is approved as it is now written.

For the D.R. embassy in the U.S., email embassy@us.serex.gov.do. For those not in the U.S., you can search for "Dominican Republic embassy in [insert name of your country here]" to find the appropriate email address. I've searched for Canada and the U.K. because I have a lot of readers there:

In Canada, email larias@drembassy.org and copy ygutierrez@drembassy.org.
In the U.K. (and Australia apparently??), email embassy@dominicanembassy.org.uk.

You can read more about this current action over at Akimbo, and here is the sample letter they have posted there:
Dear Mr. President of the Dominican Republic, Dr. Leonel Fernández Reyna; Mr. President of the Parliamentary Assembly for Constitutional Review, Senator Reynaldo Pared Pérez; Mr. Vice-President of the Parliamentary Assembly for Constitutional Review, Deputy Julio César Valentín:

On April 21, 2009, Article 30, which amends the current Constitution of the Dominican Republic by establishing the right to life “from conception to death,” was approved under pressure and threats from the Catholic hierarchy and right-wing extremists.

This article will severely and negatively impact public policies, medical practice, scientific development and women’s lives, especially poor women. It also violates international agreements signed and ratified by the Dominican Republic, such as the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, the American Convention on Human Rights and the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women.

Article 30 limits women’s autonomy, and denies them their human rights. In light of the significant step backwards that the approval of Article 30 would represent for the human rights of Dominican women, I ask that during the second reading, when Article 30 must be discussed and is once again subject to approval, you reject the proposed language and maintain the current language of the Constitution.

Sincerely,
[NAME]

TAKE ACTION NOW! We need to support our colleagues around the world whenever they need our help. A few minutes of your time is all you need to give.

Your Tears Taste Like Yummy Candy

2009-05-06T07:33:00.006-04:00

So today, in "News that makes Dori lol," we find our dear friend and purveyor of sugary evil energy drinks, Michael Savage, has been banned from entering the UK. He has threatened to sue Home Secretary Jaqui Smith for defamation of character.

To which I respond, what character are you referring to Mr. Savage? The character that called autistic children fakers and their parents failures as disciplinarians? Or maybe the character that feels his peen shrivel at the idea of women who consider themselves people? OH! I KNOW! You mean the character that manages to engage in xenophobic and homophobic rhetoric at the same time!

In response to Mr. Savage, Jaqui Smith had this to say:

"Coming to this country is a privilege," she said. "If you can't live by the rules that we live by, the standards and the values that we live by, we should exclude you from this country and, what's more, now we will make public those people that we have excluded."

What Mr. Savage is missing in this whole debacle is one key concept that has been beautifully articulated by the British Government. He is not owed access to their space. They can decide who to let in and who not to let in (for all his screaming about immigration and restricting it I would think he would understand that basic fact) and that access to another country is a privilege that they grant to you, not an obligation that you are owed.

One final note Mr. Savage, if you don't like being compared to hateful, dangerous bigots then stop acting like one and encouraging them, because like it or not, there are consequences for being an asshole.

Quick, Steamed Hit

2009-05-05T20:58:00.002-04:00

White House Eliminated Pledge To Repeal Defense Of Marriage Act From Website

This plus the wishy-washy way that Don't Ask, Don't Tell has been handled, but not handled, is making me start to feel annoyed as hell. Seriously, do any other queers and allies out there feel like we are being brushed under the rug again in hopes of gaining support from people who will never support this administration?

Women in Gaming: Part One-Alyx Vance

2009-04-30T18:00:00.001-04:00

Note: If you found this article by Googling Any of the following phrases-

"Alyx Vance nude"
"Alyx Vance sex nude"
"nude alyx half life"
"fucking Alyx Vance pictures"
"Half Life 2 Alyx Vance nude"
"alyx vance nude mod"
"alyx vance nude patch"
"Nude Alyx Vance fuck"
"alyx vance sex"
"fuck alyx vance"
"alyx vance rape"

-please go read either this or the article entitled Alyx Vance Fucking. Once you have finished those, you are ready for this. Thank you.
~The Management

Games are, of course, traditionally marketed to male teens. And what makes a male teen feel like he's better endowed than he may or may not be in real life, than having to save some helpless woman who somehow, through extreme ineptitude or idiocy managed to get herself captured.

It's a formula that goes back throughout the ages, and is as old as time, or at least as old as Super Mario Brothers.

And I sat here today and thought...there's got to be someone who bucks the trend, a game heroine who isn't content to just be rescued, but to get out there and do something.

The answer was so obvious, she was staring me right in the face with that trademark sarcastic grin of hers: Alyx Vance.

For those of you not initiated to the storyline of Half-Life 2, Alyx is the daughter of one of the main supporting NPCs. You, as "everyone's favorite emotionally oblivious mute, Gordon Freeman"* are introduced to her in the beginning of Half Life 2. After being stunned by Civil Protection, you hear her call their attention and upon coming to, you see her and four or five Civil Protection units out cold on the floor.

The immediate implication is that she is a girl who can take care of herself easily. As you play through the first game, she leads you to safety, gives you remote protection when you are separated and you must find your way to her and her father, and she serves as your teacher for some of the mechanics of the game. In short, without Alyx, Gordon would be next to nothing, if not actually nothing.

It's an interesting switch of the roles, in which Gordon literally needs Alyx to show him the way, to clear obstacles and survive. Through subsequent releases of Episode 1 and 2, Alyx becomes even more vital to you, fighting side by side with you as you struggle to make your way back to the resistance.

Valve, Half Life 2's developer, has usually been quite progressive in this way, using Alyx as a companion, as a teacher, and as a helper without whom Gordon would not be able to survive, and they are to be commended on this point. It's been a growing trend in gaming lately to give more and more strong female characters, and I suspect this is because it hasn't gone unnoticed that the demographic for games is changing: that more and more women are becoming gamers.

We're talking about more than a "token feminist" or some such, we're talking about true strong women who can get along as easily without a man as with one.

Of course..Half-Life 2 is not perfect. Alyx is meant to visually appeal, and while not nude or scantily clad (though there are mods you can get for that), she is at least somewhat sexualized. There are no cutscenes, and Gordon never talks so the storyline must be conveyed through the actions and words of those around you, and it does get a bit frustrating to see Alyx sort of shyly and tentatively throwing out hints as to her attraction to him so that the player begins to feel as if there might be a romantic relationship between the two. The idea, I'm sure, is that Gordon is silently conveying his approval and reciprocation of this, and many players I'm sure vocally convey this from behind their computer screens but as a woman playing the game, it feels a little forced to me.

However, it is a step in the right direction, a step that few developers previous have even bothered to take, and in light of that I'm willing to be less harsh on them for sort of forcing the romantic storyline between Gordon and Alyx. Overall, Alyx Vance is a very good example of the growing shift in gaming towards women of power and capability, and I look forward to what Valve intends to do with her in the upcoming Episode 3.

*Quote credit goes to Yahtzee of Zero Punctuation fame.

Strike that...Reverse it

2009-04-29T06:11:00.000-04:00

And now, my adoring fans, we get to play my favorite game.

That's right!

Its the "Logic is the Tool of the Devil" Game!

Lets meet today's contestant!

Say hello to Robert Peters. Robert is president of Morality in Media, an organization originally founded to combat pornography (like Cosmopolitan, which is of course porn in its purest form), and he is concerned, folks.

"It is my intention to point out that the success of the sexual revolution is inversely proportional to the decline in morality; and it is the decline of morality (and the faith that so often under girds it) that is the underlying cause of our modern day epidemic of mass murders."

Alright, he passes the qualifying round with a perfect 10 in "faith" based prattling! Extra points for sneaking it in under the guise of public concern and therefore making it that much harder for logical folks like you and me to point out the assumption that religious belief is the source of morality. Clever clever Robbie-poo!

Lets move on to round 2!

"This secular value system is also reflected in the 'sexual revolution,' which is the driving force behind the push for 'gay marriage;' and the Iowa Supreme Court decision is another indication that despite all the damage this revolution has caused to children, adults, family life and society (think abortion, divorce, pornography, rape, sexual abuse of children, sexually transmitted diseases, trafficking in women and children, unwed teen mothers and more), it continues to advance relentlessly,"

The crowd is tense...the judges are quietly conferring. Remember, in this round we are looking for a sense of self-righteousness, and the delusion of helping the helpless. False conflations are a plus, and it seems that Robbie will have this in the bag...Whats this? There seems to be a consensus...AND ITS ANOTHER PERFECT 10! THE CROWD GOES WILD! Wait...wait...wait, I'm getting a message from the judges that extra points were awarded for his complete and total waving away of the existence of these same societal issues well before his precious morality was threatened!

And now we move into the final evaluation round.

"It most certainly is not my intention to blame the epidemic of mass murders on the gay rights movement"

Oooh, and oldie and not quite goody. The set up for the "Why so srs?" defense, but with zero follow-through. This lack of originality and hedging is going to hurt his final score. The judges look disappointed, its sad. They were clearly expecting so much more from this contestant, and to find that hes only a blind rewind the likes of Jerry Falwell and Oral Roberts but without their sanctimonious belly-fire is almost crushing.

He still may have a chance in his all over score, remember folks, its cumulative so he may still have hope from those extra points awarded earlier.

It looks like the judges are returning, and its...its...a thumbs down! What an upset! Sorry, Robbie, but due to your tired old ignorance and recycled arguments, you will not be going on to the Champion round of our game! Robbie, I have to say, we in this sport truly do expect more from the Godbots than the stubborn ignoring that the crimes you want to blame on a "moral decline" are committed mainly by people who cling to those morals you cry about.

Join us next time for our champion round: "Logic Makes the Baby Jesus Cry," which will feature Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin going head to head in a knockdown, abstinence-only, librul conspiracy theory brawl!

Excuse me you sexist prick, but is that my ubersaw in your head?

2009-04-24T09:00:00.000-04:00

Okay. Let me make this clear for those of you who may not be aware: I am a gamer. I am a huge gamer. A basic Google search of Witchiebunny will turn up my involvement in the Steam gaming group, The Furry Pound where I am head admin.

I generally play FPS (First Person Shooters), which is generally the domain of teenage boys and young adult men, though exceptions (such as myself) do exist. And my favorite games include the aforementioned TF2, along with Left 4 Dead, Portal and The Ship.

I love gaming. I've made some very wonderful and worthwhile friends whilst playing on TF2 servers. However, my gaming experience once I finally obtained a microphone always started out with the inevitable, astonished "You're a GIRL?" realization, and the subsequent re-evaluation of my gaming ability based on that. It's not even like I'm the only girl who plays on our servers either-there's at least five of us that I can think of off of the top of my head (and this includes one who is trans).

To be sure, women are a minority within the gaming world, though the gap is closing. We are out there. And we are every bit as good as male gamers.

So it does kind of piss me off when I hear the joke "There's no girls on the internet". Especially when it's for the hundredth time.

And I do so love how many of the pubs on the servers choose to attribute my skill and how well I, and by extension, my team is doing to one of the male members of my team.

Newsflash? Just because Doom is on my team, it does NOT negate my skill at blowing you to kingdom come on my own.

However, what has really been upsetting me is the fact that recently, I had to make a rule on TFP concerning harassment. Now bear in mind, I don't get harassed on the servers-that's the privilege I get for being head admin and wielding the ban-hammer, and I *know* I get it. However I have made it clear to all of my gamers if they are being harassed, to bring it to me.

So imagine how I felt when one of my gamers-a 19 year old woman-came to me and told me that players were telling her to stop playing and "get back in the kitchen".

Yeah. Really.

It was one of the few times I more or less bypassed my team of admins in the creation of a rule. And yet, even then I had to make it carry a less harsh penalty than I would have liked-in short, harassment is a temp ban, rather than a permanent ban as I'd like.

Why? Because even if women are complaining, we have to give the men who have already shown a lack of respect for them another chance after they show their ass before we can throw them out permanently.

It's worth noting, that one of my admins tends to hop to and get on harassment cases more if it's a woman complaining than if it's anyone else. It's bigoted to the opposite degree, but given how little some of my other admins seem to care about harassment claims in general, I think I'll take it for now.

Oh no you didn't, or how I learned to stop worrying and ignore the fakers.

2009-04-23T13:00:00.000-04:00

Some people have SOME fucking nerve.

I am currently living in Philadephia, apart from my still legal husband who is in Tucson. We're still talking, but otherwise apart at the moment.

I do own a Livejournal, mostly friendslocked because certain people, such as my mother, have had no problem with using my private thoughts therein against me. (Then again, my mother felt she had the right to break into my physical diary, read it, and write back to me in it before locking it and putting it back, but that's neither here nor there.)

When one is posting in a private space, one that is locked to a certain audience there is the reasonable expectation of privacy therein, and a common understanding that what is written in such a space will remain private.

At least, that was the theory.

So imagine my surprise, shock and sheer blinding rage when my husband comes to me last night to tell me three nights ago, he was approached by someone who was offering up private chat logs and friendslocked LJ entries to show him, supposedly about how I was deceiving him and talking about him behind his back, how I was leaving him in the lurch, etc.

If you want, you can see the entry here.*

Now, read that over, then venture over to her business site* where she sells her digital art.

Tiari (as I will refer to her, though I do know her personal details) paints herself as a progressive, pro-feminist, modern woman, a stay at home wife and mother of two who makes her money via her business.

In the days when my marriage started to go south, I began posting to my Livejournal, looking for advice from those married, those not, from friends who knew the entire story and those with an outside perspective on everything. Tiari had been one of those who had attempted to warn me before the marriage, but once I was in it became an advocate of staying in the marriage no matter what.

Through cheating, through an attempted rape..through being ignored, marginalized and blown off. Why? Because she, too is married to a thoughtless jackass, and of course misery loves company-if she choose to stay in a marriage she hated so much and stuck it out for over 20 years, then of course I should too, because it's what a good wife does!

Nevermind that her husband asked her to be a stay at home wife, knowing she can regularly command a much higher salary than he can. Nevermind that he would let his relatives berate her for being lazy and not working, even though it was at his behest. Nevermind that she resents the hell out of her daughters and husband for keeping her from the life she could have had.

A good wife stays no matter what. A good wife suffers for her husband. A good wife shows no regard for herself whatsoever.

Fuck that shit.

I dared to step out of her little mold, going against her "seasoned advice" and took steps to make myself happy. And as soon as she realized this, she gathered up the trust I had bestowed in her, and used it to try to punish me, by trying to go behind my back to my husband with chat logs and entries I had shared with her in confidence.

The thing is, my husband came to me to tell me this happened. And she wanted him to not tell me that she did it, as opposed to how brazenly she came out in my LJ.

For being such a "progressive" woman, she sure does tend to cater to the stereotypes of women needing to be weak and protected in her art. For being so "pro-feminist", she sure didn't hesitate to punish me for stepping out and doing what I needed to do for myself, and stepping out against my "role" as the dutiful wife.

What is it about our society and culture that women feel the need to punish those who step out against the sexist expectations of our culture?

I'm a bit sad to lose a friend. I'm more sad that I live in a culture and society that rewards women for doing this type of thing.

*Please, do not troll her. My purpose is to demonstrate, not to punish her in return. Thank you.

You can stuff your apathy

2009-04-23T09:46:00.000-04:00

I have one thing to say right now, just one, to any person out there who has ever said some variation of the following:

"Well, stick and stones, you know? I mean they're only words! Why let them get to you?"

I dare you, I DARE you, to say that to the family of Jaheem Herrera or the family of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover. Go ahead. Tell those people who have lost a chunk of their hearts that it's "just words!"

Protip:

ITS NEVER JUST WORDS!

I don't know how many times I have to say this, words mean things! Words shape how we define the world, how we perceive things that others do or are. Words MEAN things, and trying to brush those meanings off as someone who is hurt being "oversensitive" is privileged and heartless. Words harm people. Words can kill.

JUSTICE FOR ANGIE

2009-04-22T20:24:00.003-04:00

Allen Andrade has been found guilty of first degree murder in the death of Angela Zapata. He has also been found guilty of a hate crime, as well as identity theft and vehicle theft.

I have no words, only tears.

Tears that women like Angie are killed just for existing.

Tears that the defense spent the entire trial trying to make it a matter of "deception" by misgendering her and using her birth name.

Tears that the jury saw the person beyond the spin and sent a murdering bigot to prison for the rest of his natural life.

Tears that I did not expect to see justice done.

Tears that it is a surprise.

It's apparently been a while since we've seen these things..

2009-04-22T14:57:00.000-04:00

Called Diplomacy and Politics.

I'm referring the hullabaloo over President Obama appearing to be chummy with Venezuelan President Chavez. A lot of people have been giving him a lot of grief over his smiling, and appearing to be getting along with President Chavez.

People? This is called POLITICS. Do you really think that Obama isn't smart enough to try to foster good relations with this guy, while not trusting him farther than he can throw him? You know, not getting on other nations nerves so they don't want to nuke us off the map?

One of the things that the previous administration had apparent trouble grasping is that when you make vague threats, and begin posturing and fostering an "Us vs Them" mentality, it doesn't exactly make other nations jump to attention and go "We like you, let's give you our natural resources!"

Venezuela has access to some of the largest reserves in the western hemisphere and if we like driving, it might be in our best interest NOT to piss off Venezuela. And this isn't even going into the fact that certain people will *never* be happy with anything Obama does, because he can't win. If he's diplomatic and professional, he's capitulating to these horrible bully countries. If he's hardline and angry, then he's an angry black man and can't be trusted.

Seriously? You pundits need to make up your minds, because your prejudice and ignorance is showing.

Hair and community

2009-04-22T11:16:00.002-04:00

Note from Dori: Today we have a post from our new contributor Witchiebunny. Welcome Witchie!

Please forgive me a bit of long winded background.

When I was a little girl, I remember my mother sitting me down and telling me that I would always have two things against me in life.

The first was that I was a woman. The second was that I was black.

It was not the first, nor would it be the only lesson I was to have in racism, both outside of my family and culture and within it.

I remember having my hair relaxed before going into kindergarten. I remember being ashamed when my hair was nappy, or when I had "peas" in the back of my head. My mother made sure I went, without fail every six weeks to have my touch up, treating the roots as they came in so my hair would continue to be straight.

All this to say, it didn't take very long at all for me to assimilate into the idea of "good skin" and "good hair". It's ingrained in us from childhood on, that if you do not have good skin and good hair, that you must find a way to get one, if not the other and the easiest way to do that is to process our hair until it forgets how it was meant to be, and damage it in the process.

I began rebelling against this idea when I was eighteen, when I stopped going for relaxers and then, finally, with the help of a couple of friends cut my hair short, leaving me with a small afro. I was loving my hair-natural at last. However the black women where I worked (which included my mother) made fun of my hair...walking up and touching it, making comments on it. When I complained to my mother, I was told that I had done it to myself and when shortly thereafter, I was forced back into moving in with my parents, my mother gave me a wig to wear. She was ashamed to be seen with me with my hair as it was.

I moved from Philadelphia to Tucson, Arizona to be with my then boyfriend, now ex-husband and, free from the immediate inner cultural pressures I began to experiment with my hair, relaxing it, not relaxing it, until I finally shaved the entire mass off and started over. I grew my hair-completely naturally-for two years before I finally dreaded it.

And not only did I dread it, oh no....I didn't use sisterlocks or twist and pin, wool rubbing or the "neglect" method....I backcombed my hair and let it do its own thing from then on for over a year.

Finally I moved back to Philadelphia. Last night, I saw my mother again for the first time in two years, and in that time I've gotten tattoos, stretched my earlobe piercings, and of course, the dreads. As I sat in my parents rec room basement, happily eating the first real cheese steak I've had in years, my mother fingered my hair and I could tell, she was already planning how to remove the dreads, salvage my hair and relax it again so I could get back to where I "should" be.

Should be...by the standards of black culture within this city, and this country. And I find it so interesting that for years, civil rights leaders fought so hard for equality. They had boycotts and sit ins, non-violent protests and marches. They fought so diligently and paid so dearly for the chance to be treated as equal...and then we turn around and upend that progress by perpetuating a special kind of racism and hueism within our own ranks.

Those who are lighter are automatically better off than those who are darker. Those with nappy, kinked hair need to their time and money on correcting this "mistake". Even those women who dare to step out, and do something else with their hair had better do it in the culturally approved way or else they're a detriment not only to themselves, but to everything everyone has struggled to build.

Because of course, the only way for a black woman to be taken seriously is to make herself as much like a white woman as possible. I've seen the looks I get for having my hair as it is....and I've heard the mutterings of people around me, even from my own parents.

I don't do things the black way....I'm trying to be white...I'm doing a disservice to other black women, who must now prove themselves in spite of people like me.

Excuse me?

To all those who buy into the system..I put forth this idea: Perhaps the way to truly define ourselves as our own separate culture, equal to any other in this world is not to change it to suit the tastes and whims of another. We should not be building our cultural identity around trying to look like and pass for another culture, in the guise of being "pretty" or "professional". The reason those of us who truly step out against this inner-culture racism aren't taken seriously by the establishment is because our own culture, our own people won't back us up.

How ironic is it to be told that we're not "black enough" by the very culture that is based around trying to be as white as possible while still pretending to be black?

Think about it.

I've had it up to here

2009-04-21T10:20:00.005-04:00

Okay, I have avoided commenting on this because meta makes my head hurt (and I realize that my avoidance, and ability to do so is a function of my privilege) but I can't keep shirking that responsibility. A basic run down for those of you who don't follow the politics of progressive (and I use that term loosely) bloglandia: a boycott of some big name feminist blogs has been called for by members of the trans blogging community due to repeated issues of representation, the lack thereof and/or the representation that they do get being derailed by centering it around the concerns of the cis-people in the thread.

Below is a list that outlines some of the blog posts that have been at the center of, or in addition to the malestrom.

(ganked from Gender Goggles)

The Feministing/Feministe Boycott
[1] Men in Women’s Bathrooms: Is Your State Next?: the Focus on the Family transphobia post with errant comment thread on Feministing*
[2] By Any Other Name: transmisogyny post with errant comment thread at Feministe
[3] Bathroom panic, it’s totally feminist: Queen Emily’s response to errant comments on Feministing.
[4] Very Necessary: Voz Latina’s call for a boycott of Feministe/Feministing.
[5] It’s Always About The Cis Women: Lucy’s post about both Feministing and Feministe.
[6] On Cis Supremacy, Feminism and Feministe: Cara’s response to all of this on Feministe.

The Dust-Up at Bitch, Ph.D.
[1] Teabag Me: the original post at Bitch, Ph.D.
[2] Ann Coulter Really Is A Cunt, People: the response at Bitch, Ph.D.

I just read the Bitch, Ph.D posts, and that was essentially the shit cherry that topped off the vomit sundae. Its what made me realize that I couldn't keep avoiding this.

Big note to anyone who wants to be considered "progressive" and "feminist":

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RATS PATOOTIE WHAT YOUR RATIONALIZATION FOR IT IS. TRANSPHOBIA, TRANSMISOGYNY, AND THE ERASURE OF TRANSPEOPLE IS NOT PROGRESSIVE NOR FEMINIST.

Also, fucking up and showing your ass as a privileged person is going to happen. When it does, the proper response on being called on it is SINCERE APOLOGY AND MAKING SURE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

Now I know what its like to teach five-year olds. Christ.
Anyway, I have removed both Feministing and Bitch Ph.D from my blogroll. I'm keeping Feministe for the moment as they are the only ones that have taken this criticism in and tried to improve. As of now, I don't know if Feministing has responded at all, and frnakly, Bitch Ph.D's non-apology ("well I'm sorry that you're offended" etc) just pissed me off more, so I don't think I can, in good conscience, go back there.

I Was Born Palestinian

2009-04-20T20:43:00.000-04:00

"Its not very comfortable in there is it?" said the stony faced official, cigarette smoke forming a haze around his gleaming oval head.

"Its OK. We're fine" I replied wearily, delirious after being awake for a straight period of 30 hours.

"You could be in there for days you know. For weeks. Indefinitely. "So, tell me, you are taking a plane tomorrow morning to the US?"

Go read the rest of this.

I can't begin to explain the depth to which stories like this rock me.

It is best viewed with the background of the events I have detailed previously.

I truly feel that there is no denying the racial subtext of the occupation of Palestine. I don't care how justified it claims to be. Nothing justifies treating people the way your own people have been treated for generations. They don't deserve this any more than we ever did.

Wait...What?

2009-04-20T08:23:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm a little slow on getting to this, and a little confused now that I have.

So there is this conference that the UN put together, The Durban Review Conference, that is meeting next week to asses the progress from the 2001 World Conference against Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia and Related Intolerance. Apparently, the US and Israel walked out of the last one because of the focus on the plight of Palestinian refugees and the suggestion that their treatment was rooted in racism. Depending on who you talk to, they either considered such a suggestion to be anti-Semitic, they felt that Zionism was being conflated with racism, or Zionism was being conflated with racism and they felt that this was anti-Semitic and anti-religion. Frankly, I have no fucking clue what actually happened, because I can't find an account that isn't built on press releases from either country, so I'm not going to assume that any one of those is exactly the reason why.

Anyway, fast forward to February of this year. The Obama administration seemed to be ready to boycott this year's meeting for the same reason, again with the suggestion that the conference was anti-Semitic.

They reconsidered the boycott, and then went with it anyway.

The biggest issue, at least from an Israeli perspective, is the participation of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, who has publicly denied the Holocaust before, as well as the participation of oil-producing Arab states who supposedly used the last conference to bash Israel and Zionism. This alleged bashing (and I say alleged because I have yet to see anything more concrete than one side or the other making accusations after the fact) is being held up as an example of why some of the most powerful countries in the world are refusing to participate even after they negotiated to have any references to Israel and Palestine taken off the table.

The UN Human Rights chief has criticized these countries for putting politics over the needs of marginalized people. I think I have to agree. I don't see this boycott as helpful in any way. The only thing it may achieve is solidifying the assumption that I encountered during my time in the Middle East, that Israel controls all the large governments and power in the world. It reinforces this feeling of being oppressed by Israel that many countries seem to have. It also removes the opportunity to help create a framework that will help solve so many problems beyond just the Israeli one.

As far as the whole "Israel's actions against Palestinians is rooted in racism" and Zionism being conflated with racism, well I would like those of you who have actually read this far to consider a few things.

One major argument for refusing a single state solution or even a solution at all to the conflict over the Palestinian territories, as well as limiting access to resources, or jobs outside the territories is the demographic argument. It can be summed up thusly: Israel was created as a Jewish state by European Jews. A one state solution would let too many of "them" in and the state would no longer be Jewish. This being said, Israel welcomes immigrants from the US and Europe who are of Jewish heritage, but has repeatedly blocked the entrance of Ethiopian Jews who have been trying to immigrate for decades. I have no sources for this, but it seems to me that Israeli officials who make these decisions see "Jew" in a particular way that excludes people who are too dark.
Anyway, my point is that there is something to a discussion of racial motivations behind the treatment of Palestinian refugees.

That being said, if Zionism was conflated with racism, that is decidedly unhelpful. Zionism has this big boogieman reputation, but in reality, it is nothing more than a political ideology that arose in response to anti-Semitism in Europe, which was rooted in racism itself. That and context cannot be ignored. "Zionism" and "Zionists" are often used as "code" words for Jews the world over. By framing an argument as anti-Zionist it is really easy to make anti-Semitic arguments and pretend that they are relevant political critique, when in actuality they are nothing more than the same eliminationist rhetoric that Jews as a culture, ethnicity and religion have been hearing for as long as we have history to track.

In the end, no one is helping. A boycott only allows those issues that are inaccurate and inflammatory to go unchecked, and also allows governments who are not completely innocent to shirk their responsibility to the larger global community. A history of being threatened does not make one completely justified in all actions and reactions. A history of being on the receiving end of reactions that come from not the nicest of ideas does not give one the right to pretend like tragedies didn't happen. Either side forgetting or ignoring the humanity of the other is going to do nothing but perpetuate the cycle of violence, misinformation and hatred.

Overlap

2009-04-19T10:44:00.000-04:00

I search your profile
for a translation
I study the conversation
like a map
'cause I know there is strength
in the differences between us
and I know there is comfort
where we overlap
~Ani D.

The way we address intersectionality is important. Part of the call for intersectionality in anti-oppression work is not because someone can be pared down and defined purely by one or two random traits. The call was made because each identity and the experiences it brings shapes the others and the experiences they bring. There is no monolithic, hive mind, universal experience.A queer woman of color will not have her experiences of womanhood separate from her experience of race separate from her experiences of sexuality.Her experiences of womanhood will be those of a queer woman of color. It is easy to imagine the extrapolation of this spiraling onward, and onward. In the end, we are each individuals and every experience we have will be colored and shaped by our individual identity. When one lives in a system that treats one as "less than" for one or more of those identities, and seeks to separate one's racial identity from one's gender identity, a discussion absolutely about one or the other by those who benefit from that same system that oppresses one, regardless of intention, only exacerbates the problem.

That is not to say that trends are not identifiable. Women of all colors can relate to each others experiences of sexism, even though not a one of them will have the same experience as the others.

When we talk about which identities overlap and how they do, we must be careful to avoid treating identity as a Venn diagram. As Morbo would say: IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

Because I can't say it better

2009-04-15T09:23:00.002-04:00

Jeff Fecke at Alas:

Is it…is it really April 15? Has the blessed day come at last?

Why, bless my soul — it has! It has! It’s Teabagging Day, everybody! It’s Teabagging Day
Yes, that most sacred of days, when angry white men (plus a few token women, plus one token black guy) get together and proclaim how angry they are that they have to pay taxes, and all they get for it is roads, schools, courts, police, fire fighters, the military, safe food and medicine, a rudimentary safety net, a space program, weather monitoring, and about 50,000 other things.
Unfair! scream the white men, who are not only asked to pay taxes, but asked to pretend that women and minorities are their equals. Unfair! scream the straight men and women, who are really mad that somewhere, two men are fucking. Unfair! scream the rich, as they sneer at the lucky duckies who don’t have to pay as much in taxes, just because they only make 1/250th of what CEOs make.

What fun it will be!

Yes, we all know that the pure spirit of Teabagging Day has been undermined by its corporate origins, but hey, Valentine’s Day started out as a corporate holiday too. And what is Teabagging Day but the opposite of Valentine’s Day, a day we can all celebrate our hatred of our fellow man, our own selfish greed, and our anger that an inadequate black male is in the White House?

Yes, it’s very exciting. Already, the wise men and women of Teabagging Day are spreading out throughout the country to spread good cheer. St. Hannity is going to be there! And Goofy Glenn Beck! And the Hate Fairy, too! And of course, what is a Teabagging Day without a Dick Armey?

Neil Cavuto also may show up, I guess.

So come, my fellow Americans, let’s celebrate our hatred and mutual fear! Come, let’s pretend Barack Obama really is a secret Muslim! Let’s argue for the inherent superiority of the white man! Let’s babble incoherently about a grab-bag of grievances that mostly boils down to anger that the Republicans got smoked in 2008! Muffy, fire the help! Biff, move your money to an off-shore tax shelter! It’s Teabagging Day, everyone — the most wonderful day of the wingnut year.

ETA 4/14/09 13:24- I will be updating this post sporadically throughout the day with links and discussions of today's "Oh Hai! I'm A Privileged Dipshit!" events.

Shakesville has Paul The Spud:

One of the most hilarious aspects of this whole teabag brou-ha-ha has been the insistence that these protests are "non-partisan." Of course, none of the participants could be bothered to raise a finger while Bush spent money like a drunken sailor, no Dem officials or liberal pundits are attending or participating, FOX television has been rah-rahing the whole thing, it's being funded by right-wing money, Americans for Prosperity is offering money to participate, blah blah blah. I think you all get it.

Wow

2009-04-14T18:12:00.001-04:00

Go read this now. I felt a profound impact when I read this, and while I want to ask the context, I think it stands more strongly because I don't know.

And while you are at it, read this as well. Its really easy for those of us who identify as feminist to make assumptions based on our own biases and be blind to the fact that we are doing so. We think because our intentions are good, then our actions must be as well. We have a responsibility, if we wish to change anything, to be honest about our biases and privilege and how those things effect our perspective and, vicariously, our actions.

For Angie

2009-04-14T08:25:00.003-04:00

Today begins the trial of Allen Andrade for the murder of Angie Zapata in Colorado.

I haven't written about this like I should have only because events like this are very personal to me and kind of make me want to take my spouse and my kitties and just hide from the world.

The details of what happened the day Allen killed Angie are rehashed constantly in blogs devoted to progressive and trans friendly content as well as in the news. I hear story after story after story about the deaths of transpeople and all I see in my minds eye are the faces of my friends and loved ones.

I see the words and actions of women (in the link, the women being referred to are in the comments, not the author of the linked post), who claim to be "on my side," dehumanizing and dismissing the people that I love and others like them, using attitudes that are the same as the attitudes that lead to some of the highest rates for death and marginalization of an oppressed population in the US, and (I strongly suspect) the world.

I have lit a candle for Angie, for an end to the dehumanization of transpeople, not because I want progressive cred, not because I want a cookie, a gold star, or a pat on the head. I am lighting a candle because I owe my life to the people that I love.

My (hopefully) Last Post on the Amazon Bullshit

2009-04-14T07:38:00.006-04:00

A few explanations have come out about this debacle besides the "glitch" excuse. There have been attention-seeking man-children attempting to take (unearned) credit for it "for the lulz," as well as explanations and theories about meta-data and filters, experimental ratings systems, some random employee tagging things as "adult," language barriers, and (the crowning glory) a cataloging error.

I don't buy the "I did it for the lulz!" bullshit. That is some punk with a need for attention trying to capitalize on this event because being a privileged wanker is fun. I also don't buy the "glitch" or "error" excuse. The most reasonable explanation is that someone classified anything having to do with "sexuality" as automatically adult, and therefore getting pulled as possibly offensive to somebody, somewhere. My cynical side says its someone who thinks that the word sex is a sin and even thinking about it makes you a bad person, but that's why its my cynical side.

Not as impressive as some sort of conspiracy to silence progressive voices, I know, but still an indicator of a larger social framing issue. The issue resides in categorizing works written about, for and by TLBGQ individuals as automatically about sexuality and conflating sexuality with sex, erotica and "adult" concepts. Having a filter for "sexuality" would lead to the censoring of a suicide prevention guide written by a transperson while leaving a book about treating women like garbage accessible. It would explain why a children's book explaining that some families are not heterosexual gets taken down, but a book about "preventing" homosexuality is left up. This displays a dangerous dissonance in moral categories on a social level, and its a dissonance that leads to ideas like the ones that help pass anti-trans, anti-woman and anti-queer legislation. This displays how unconscious these ideas of misogyny, transphobia and homophobia are in our social consciousness.

So, for all those privileged people in the comments of the articles linked here who are wondering why this matters, laughing about "moral outrage" or mocking those of us who this matters to: this is why this is so important. At best, this event is a perfect microcosm of the ideas that continue to allow people like me, my spouse, and every other gender-variant and queer person in this country to be treated like less than full humans. This is a public exhibition of why we are denied full personhood, again, and again, and again.

If the best reaction you can come up with is "why so srs?" then I recommend a crowbar to remove your head from your rectum before mold starts growing on your nose.

ETA: Or what she said.

Dear man-child Seth Rogen,

2009-04-13T17:10:00.003-04:00

Rape is not a fucking joke.

No matter who it happens to.

Putting this in your film as a joke does not make you edgy, clever, funny, or ironic. It makes you a fucking scumbag douchnozzle who clearly doesn't give a rat fuck about who you hurt as long as they have a vagina. Adding her "why are you stopping?" statement as justification is also bullshit.

Anyone who wants to come here and try to defend this tripe can bring it the fuck on. All you prove by doing so is that you also don't care who gets hurt for your jollies. This is not a case of evil feminazis wanting to take your fun away, this is a case of you thinking that something that traumatizes another person is funny. We are not over-sensitive, you aren't sensitive enough, and I hope every woman in your life knows that you think rape is fucking hilarious.

It was totes a glitch you guize!

2009-04-13T08:07:00.003-04:00

Instead of apologizing for letting something this disgustingly discriminatory happen, Amazon is crying "glitch!" and effectively blowing off taking any responsibility for this event.

Uh huh.

A "glitch."

And I'm the motherfucking Tooth Fairy.

This "glitch" has been going on for months. Its focused, specifically on anything that presents sexuality in a positive, progressive light. The autobiography of Ellen DeGeneres is delisted but A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality isn't. Books on sexuality and disability are gone, but the autobiography of Ron Jeremy is still up.

Glitch my fat ass.

Way to go Amazon. You could have apologized and agreed to fix it, but no, letting the people who have been excluded feel like they are worthwhile customers to you is just beyond your capabilities, isn't it?

Same Shit, Different Company.

When in doubt, deny, deny, deny. Even in the face of evidence.

You keep using that word...

2009-04-13T06:57:00.002-04:00

I want to talk about responsibility. I want to talk about who gets held "responsible" and who does not.

Its a word that one hears a lot. I tend to hear it in discussions about abortion, rape, transphobia, homophobia, violence against women, racism, poverty and any intersection of the preceding list.

Do any of these arguments sound familiar?

"Well, I'm against abortion because it lets slutty women get away with not taking responsibility for getting themselves pregnant!" (Because women bud, like yeast, and get pregnant all by themselves without any help from anyone or anything!)

"It sucks for hir that zie got raped, but its irresponsible to wear short skirts/drink alcohol around people/go outside at night/smile at men/be so pretty/have tits/exist! What did zie expect?" (Again, like the example above, rape survivors totes rape themselves for funsies!!)

"Well, murder is bad, but when you lie about what you really are, and then someone attacks you for it, you share some responsibility." (Because a rational response to discovering that someone you are with is trans* is bashing their head in with a fire extinguisher.)

"Maybe you queers wouldn't be so threatened if you didn't hit on straight people/hold hands in public/exist. There are consequences when you decide to be/act gay, why is it our responsibility to treat you special?" (Because making someone uncomfortable with questioning their sexual desire simply by existing means you are trying to be "special" if you want access to full rights.)

"What did she do to make him hit her/rape her/kill her/their kids/random innocent bystanders?" (Because, once again, potentially fatal violence is a totally acceptable response to being annoyed, insulted or having your masculinity threatened, provided you have a penis and you only use it to fuck cis-women and provided that the source of your annoyance/insult is a woman and/or a member of any oppressed group.)

"Why do you have to blame the white man for all your problems? Isn't slavery over?" (Didn't you hear? We are post-racial now! Trufax!)

"If being poor is so horrible, why can't they just get a job? Why do I have to pay for them to have food/somewhere to live if they won't?" (The recent corollary being "Yeah, there were predatory lending practices, and the system was set up in such a way as to profit now and not worry about later, but those stupid poor people still are responsible for taking out loans they can't afford!")

See anything in common in any of those examples?

Why is it that the people with the least social value and power are expected to be the scapegoats for the behavior of those who the system is set up to serve?

We are not responsible for your actions. It is not up to us to prevent you from hurting us, restricting our choices, killing us, and generally treating us like less than human beings.

It is YOUR responsibility to not rape, abuse, restrict and murder us. Start exercising that responsibility before your rights to it are taken away.

Queer Kids Don't Exist-Action Needed

2009-04-12T17:27:00.007-04:00

And the saga of clueless hetero people being obsessed with teh GHEY SEXXORS! continues, now with added fuckery.

Amazon dot-fucking-com has decided to strip the sales ranks from TLGBQ books, which keeps them from showing up in bestseller lists and some searches, because they have been deemed "adult" material.

Someone is thinking "what about the children?" in deciding to do this, and indeed, I wonder "What about the children?"

What about the gay children?
What about the lesbian children?
What about the bisexual children?
What about the trans children?
What about the children that come from families with transitioning, transitioned and/or queer parents/siblings/other family members?

Why the fuck doesn't anyone think about them?

Cause its only about the sex right? Thats the only reason anyone is trans or queer, because of sex. Dirty steamy stinky sweaty sex. We are all just straight folk with a fetish, right? And if its about sex, then we can't have the children seeing it! Oh NO! Except for Playboy. Because objectifying women is okay, hell, standard operating procedure, and we have to train em young, amirite?

What can you do about this?
There’s a petition going here, and you can complain to Amazon directly. Their exec customer service email is ecr@amazon.com and their customer service phone number is 1-800-201-7575. Folks are trying to google bomb the term Amazon Rank (more info here). And, of course, you can boycott Amazon. I am also going to contact the company I work for (who sells our product to Amazon) and let them know that it would be a great show of support to the non-cis and non-het communities if they joined the boycott as well.

If you want more information, the first link in this post leads to a great collection of links and a great take-down of this stinky business.

I intend to do everything I can to let this company know that I don't appreciate being treated like a shameful family secret.

ETA: textual fury has mentioned in the comments that books about disability and sexuality are also disappearing!

What the fuck! Its like the biggest troll in the world got into Amazon and took the fuck over! Only cis, het, abled bodies can bump uglies now or else its too "explicit" for kids?

I have also heard rumors that feminist theory is starting to go missing as well.

I will say this again, because it bears repeating: What...The...Fuck?!