tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35611028.post1014242983306404075..comments2023-08-17T05:44:18.593-04:00Comments on A Truly Elegant Mess: Calling it what it is..what was that again?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35611028.post-48749244884424739612009-04-21T20:49:00.000-04:002009-04-21T20:49:00.000-04:00Zie claimed that I had no right to call it that if...<EM>Zie claimed that I had no right to call it that if the victim did not.</EM>I had this conversation with a friend, who considered it "part of doing drugs with boys" that she woke up to one of them raping her. I pointed out that she didn't have to feel like a victim to have what that guy did be rape. Having sex with an unconscious woman is rape. Period.Siobhanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07259806500588402830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35611028.post-90328887649495307572009-04-20T13:50:00.000-04:002009-04-20T13:50:00.000-04:00this is an excellent post--thank you for sharing i...this is an excellent post--thank you for sharing it. when i first saw the interview with Lil Wayne, i felt very uncomfortable how the guys were treating it as a status thing, which also perpetuates this idea of some people (like men) as unrapeable. and you're right--it's not about sex, it's power. and explaining the behavior away is just more victim-blaming. we need to fight these myths about rape, clearly define what rape is and what it involves, and stop shaming the victims.FilthyGrandeurhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08939478425921080818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35611028.post-73082180823357325662009-04-12T17:46:00.000-04:002009-04-12T17:46:00.000-04:00Holy cow, CORRECT. It was so welcome to see this i...Holy cow, CORRECT. It was so welcome to see this in my reader today, as this - "real" rape, and the stigma of identifying as a survivor publicly, when you know very well that can cause people to take your arguments less than seriously since you're just some hysterical victim who sees rapists everywhere she looks - has been dwelling in my brain and making me a distinctly unhappy camper for the last few weeks. WORD, LADY. That's all I got to say.Sadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12163678207182481274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35611028.post-67541950031053809982009-04-12T17:26:00.000-04:002009-04-12T17:26:00.000-04:00I've had people tell me that it isn't rape if you'...I've had people tell me that it isn't rape if you're coerced into having sex when you don't want to (and having been there done that, it's not coercion, it's rape, in my mind). The thing that pisses me off about how rape is described is that it's always described as being about sex. Rape isn't about sex, it's about power, with the rapist showing that s/he has all the power and the person being raped has none. And society just feeds into that by blaming the victim and making excuses for the rapist. And that power dynamic is why castration (chemical or physical) doesn't do a damned thing to stop a person from raping (because the urge to rape isn't always a sexual urge, and just because a man, for instance, doesn't have the ability to have an erection doesn't mean he can't/won't use an object instead). <BR/>Working through the shame of having been raped is not easy (or even possible, sometimes) with the way society views anyone who has been raped. The blame game is rampant and figuring out that blame doesn't lie with the victim but with the rapist is one of the hardest things you can ever do.vesta44https://www.blogger.com/profile/15480692717585745934noreply@blogger.com